One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Sometimes when you get cut off in traffic you memorize the guy’s car and license plate then let them get a little ahead of you before you start following them. You find out where they live and then wait for the perfect time to jump out of the bushes along their driveway and grab them […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Please Don’t Kill Me! I Have a Family!”Dear McFartnuggets: Okay let’s say you’re a criminal with no arms or hands and you’re robbing a bank with some friends. The cops come through the front doors and draw their weapons on you. They see you holding a gun with your one foot and a bag of money with the other. What do they […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What Do Police Yell At Someone With No Hands or Arms?”The band “Backstreet Boys” released a song called “In A World Like This” in 2013 in which the phrase “You got me wide open” is repeated several times. As with most songs by boy bands (or man bands as the Backstreet Boys are by now) it’s about love and how a woman makes them feel. […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “You Got Me Wide Open”Dear McFartnuggets: Hey is that song “Twist and Shout” by The Beatles about nipples? Whenever I hear the words twist and shout my mind goes back to my childhood when I used to get titty twisters all the time and if you don’t know what that is that’s when someone grabs your nipples and twists them […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Was That Song ‘Twist And Shout’ About Nipples?”Sometimes after a burrito factory explodes or some shit and a bunch of people die a person will say “My heart goes out to all the victims.” What do you mean your heart goes out? I think this is bullshit because if one of the victims needed a heart transplant, would your heart literally go […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “My Heart Goes Out To You”The classic ZZ Top song “Legs” from their 1983 album “Eliminator” has a line that goes “She’s got legs and she knows how to use them.” Yeah I SHOULD HOPE SO. I’d say that line describes the majority of women out there. That’s not necessarily something that needs to be bragged about. You may as […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “She’s Got Legs And She Knows How To Use Them”Whenever you have to give a big presentation or speech in front of a crowd and you get nervous someone gives you the bright idea to “Just picture everyone in their underwear!” I don’t know who the hell thought this up. That had to be a really weird person. Who goes, “Hey I’m really nervous […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Picture Everyone in Their Underwear”Dear McFartnuggets: I’ve seen a lot of these fortune teller places around town and I’ve always wondered why they never went out of business. I’ve seen diners and shoe stores and pharmacies all come and go over the past ten years, but the psychic fortune teller places are always there. I wondered why so I […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Did The Palm Reader Know So Much About Me?”Sometimes you hear a schizophrenic person on the street randomly yell “I’m sick of getting nothing but lip service from politicians!” For some reason we live in a world where the term “lip service” is considered a bad thing. To me, “lip service” is and should be to everyone, a slang euphemism for oral romance. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Lip Service”Dear McFartnuggets: Few days ago I walked in on my girlfriend having lesbian scissor sex with another woman in our apartment when I came home from work early with a birthday cake for her. Needles to say, I was dumbfounded and hurt badly. I threw the cake onto them and ran out and have only […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Will Science Ever Come Up A Memory Eraser Like Men in Black?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 