One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
The singer The Weeknd has a song called “Can’t Feel My Face” in which he says “I can’t feel my face when I’m with you, but I love it.” I don’t know why he sounds so happy about this, facial numbness is a very common symptom of an oncoming stroke. Judging by the way he […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “I Can’t Feel My Face When I’m With You”When Vicky at work says “I’m gonna blow your brains out” I never know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If she’s holding a pistol usually that’s a clue, but just as a general statement she’s either talking about shooting me in the skull with a firearm or treating me to the […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Blow Your Brains Out”Dear McFartnuggets: An acquaintance from work that I’m friends with on Facebook just posted that their nephew died in a car accident. I don’t exactly know how I’m sposed to respond to this status update. Should I click like? Do they want people to click like? I don’t want to say I like the news […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “When People Post Sad News on Facebook Should You Like It?”Sometimes people are like “You’re officially out of this family! Now pack your shit and get the hell out, you dickless turd!” Dickless turd? Is there any other kind? Would it be any better to be a dicked turd? I’d find that to be highly disturbing. Have you ever seen a turd with a dick […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Dickless Turd”Dear McFartnuggets: How do deaf people who speak sign language detect sarcasm when they’re talking to each other? When you see sign language interpreters at press conferences they’re always pulling all sorts of funny and weird cartoonish faces and that’s just when they’re saying normal serious things from an official during a serious emergency. How […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can You Show Sarcasm With Sign Language?”Sometimes when you walk into the room and see your grandma unconscious lying on the couch you get scared. You run over and shake her and say “Grandma?! GRANDMA?!” Then you put your ear over her mouth to try and listen for breathing. At that point she yells “BOO!” really loud into your ear and […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Scared The Pants Off”Dear McFartnuggets: I had my prostate checkup recently and was thinking isn’t it weird how in this dayne age there isn’t a more efficient way for doctors to spot prostate cancer other than having them put their hand up your ass? It strikes me as odd that in 2015 I’m basically paying someone to put […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Isn’t There a Better Way to Detect Prostate Cancer?”Sometimes you hear people say stupid shit like “I’m a real workaholic!” This is an offensive term. Workaholism is not a recognized medical condition. Some people even doubt that alcoholism is a legitimate disease so workaholism can’t be taken seriously at all. You can’t be addicted to work. When you’re truly addicted to something you’ll […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Workaholic”There’s a song by “Avicii” called “The Nights” where the guy says “My father told me when I was just a child These are the nights that never die.” There’s also a song by “Swedish House Mafia” called “Don’t You Worry Child” where the guy says “My father said, “Don’t you worry, don’t you worry, […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “My Father Told Me”Dear McFartnuggets: Couple nights ago I went on Ancestry.com to look up some of my roots and I clicked on one of those leafs and see that my great great grandfather’s last name was Douglas, my wife’s last name. So I did a little researching and it turns out it was the same family as […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “I Just Found Out My Wife is My Cousin! What Do I Do?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 