One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Whenever you see a tap dancing child actor they say “I want to be a star!” Why are we encouraging children to be like stars? Do people even know what stars are? They’re gigantic luminous spheres of plasma. Why are stars synonymous with success? Because they’re bright? Lots of things are bright. Quasars are the […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I Want To Be A Star!”Dear McFartnuggets: Heyyy, so if men who dress up like women are called “drag queens” shouldn’t then women who dress up like men be called “push kings?” They call them “Drag Kings” but that’s not a fully complete oppositional phrasing of the “drag queen.” Kings are the opposite of queens, but also pushing is the […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Transvestite Men Are Drag Queens Shouldn’t Transvestite Women Be Push Kings?”When you’re with your grandpa on his deathbed he starts talking about his life and starts saying “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I! I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference!” People love quoting this famous Robert Frost poem, but what they often get wrong is […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Take The Road Less Traveled By”Dear McFartnuggets: I went to a new church last week and they had a bathroom. I remember the church I went to as a child also had a bathroom. I never went in there because I was scared of the priests, but that’s another story. Isn’t it weird for churches to have bathrooms? Why would […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Should Churches Have Bathrooms?”When people show up late to your Sunday morning pancake social they always say shit like “Sorry, I’m not a morning person.” What the hell is a “morning person”? Saying “I’m not a morning person” is like saying “I’m not a big fan of rape” or “I feel like the Holocaust was a negative event […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I’m Not a Morning Person”Dear McFartnuggets: A lot of women are getting lip injections to make their lips look like they were attacked by wasps. Why is this puffy lips look considered attractive? Why is it attractive to make your mouth look like a big swollen baboon’s asshole? Isn’t that a little weird? Why are people attracted to baboon […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Find Puffed Up Lips Attractive?”Dear McFartnuggets: Ever since I had my newborn I’ve noticed that not everyone is always thrilled to see her as much as me and my family. Some people have said some really rude things like “Can you take your shitty baby out of here?” or “Can you get that thing to stop crying?” What is […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Some People Hate Babies?”The Cottonelle toilet paper company is currently featuring the slogan “Clean enough to go commando.” By this, they mean after using their toilet paper your asshole will be clean enough to walk around without underpants on without fear of getting shit all over your pants. First of all, that’s pretty gross. I know cleaning shit […]
Read More Dumbass Slogans: “Clean Enough to Go Commando”Okay so there’s probably never a good time to have diarrhea, but there are definitely worse times than others. The problem is you can’t really control diarrhea, by it’s nature it is a chaotic force of nature. However, you can prepare accordingly. For example, you may not want to eat Wendy’s before a certain event. […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Times to Have DiarrheaSometimes when two people are fornicating in the water fountain at the local park people yell “GET A ROOM!” The problem I have with this saying is that it rarely ever works. Do you really think people hear this during their passionate moaning and think “Yeah let’s stop our intense lovemaking and spend money on […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: “Get a Room”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 