One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
The act of childbirth, or having a brand new human push its way out of your body via the vaginal canal is widely considered the most severe pain a human being can endure. Now while I have never given birth to a child before, I have to say that seems like a bit of a […]
Read More The Top 5 Things PROBABLY More Painful Than ChildbirthSometimes when poor people are trying to get the corporations they work for to increase their hourly wages to above poverty levels, someone from the company says “You want to make more money? Work longer hours!” That’s an interesting concept. Work longer hours? Hours are always 60 minutes long each. There’s no way to shorten […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Work Longer Hours”Sometimes when you’re spiraling into a crippling depression the bartender will say “Hey man, just focus on what you have in life not what you don’t!” Yeah that’s great, unless what you have is Herpes. Sometimes what we have is the whole reason we’re sad. For example if you have a crumbling marriage, a crappy […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Focus On What You Have”Dear McFartnuggets: Oh queso, I’m getting an divorce this fall and my soon to be ex-wife is ranting on about alimony payments and how I gotta be paying her money now that we’re splitting because we didn’t have a prenumshual agreement or some shit. So lemme get this straight she wants money for being with […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is There a Difference Between Alimony and Delayed Prostitution?”Sometimes when you ask your grandma how the Rolling Stones concert was she says “It was a gas, gas gas!” I really don’t understand how this saying “It’s a gas” came to mean something fun. What’s really confusing is that it’s a saying elderly people started when they were young. The thing is, when they […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “It’s a Gas”Sometimes you’ll be on a date with a woman and out of the blue she says “I’m really anal!” Inside you think “Okay good to know. I’ll take that little nugget of information for later!” Then later on there turns out to be a huge misunderstanding in the back of your car and the night […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "I’m Anal"Dear McFartnuggets: My 24-month-old son got really sick eating one of those Tide laundry detergent pods because he thought it was candy. We had to take him to the emergency room it was horrible. Why do they make them look like candies in the first place? Who are they trying to impress? I don’t care […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do They Make Tide Pods Look Like Candies?”Dear McFartnuggets: Alright so I know you’re not allowed to say the N-word unless you’re Black, sometimes not even then. But what if you’re just typing it like in a text message or email or on a message board? Is that okay then? I’m not talking about calling someone the N-word I mean just typing […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “I Know You’re Not Allowed to Say The N-Word But Can You Type It?”Dear McFartnuggets: Why do old ladies wear so much goddamn perfume? Do they think they smell good? What is going on in their head? How can they not know they’re overdoing it severely? Do they seriously get ready to go outside and think “Alright I want to smell like a greenhouse set on fire. I […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Old Ladies Wear So Much Goddamn Perfume?”As human beings we all have to do certain things in order to survive like sleep, drink, eat, and defecate. For some weird reason, all of those things can be very annoying or off-putting to listen to when someone else is doing them. Here are the top 5 most annoying foods to hear someone eat […]
Read More The Top 5 Most Annoying Foods to Listen to People Eat
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 