One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: How come I always see signs that say “Drive Safely” on the highway? Like that’s going to make me go OH RIGHT I FORGOT! I should start using my turn signals now! And after I leave a dinner people are always like “Okay get home safe! Drive safely! Be careful out there!” If […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Always Tell Me To Drive Safely?”Sometimes when you tell someone you’re going to sleep with their mother they say “I don’t give a rat’s ass. If you want to bone that dirty old skank then MORE POWER TO YOU!” More power to me? Now this is a confusing expression because it has two distinct meanings. The original meaning is for […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “More Power To You”Dear McFartnuggets: I just turned 40-years-old last month and I feel like shit. My body is falling apart and I’ve been very depressed, I’ve been drinking a lot lately. I’m starting to wonder if that’s because all these 60-year-old people have been telling me 60 is the new 40. If 60 is the new 40 […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If 60 is the New 40 Doesn’t That Mean 40 is the New 60?”Dear McFartnuggets: We all know that Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly across the Atlantic solo and that proved that women could fly planes just like men. Then she tried to fly around the world and the accepted story is that she ran out of fuel unable to locate a landing spot and drowned […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Did Amelia Earhart Help or Hurt The Women’s Movement?”Sometimes when you accidentally bump into a woman while riding your scooter to work she says “Alright, bitch! You wanna do this? Knuckle up! Let’s do this! KNUCKLE UP!” This is apparently the new, hip way to say “Put your dukes up!” That didn’t make sense to say back then and “knuckle up” doesn’t make […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Knuckle Up”Dear McFartnuggets: Me and my ex-girlfriend have been broken up for about 6 months now but we still hang out and sometimes we even cuddle. We both realize a full-time relationship won’t work out, but we still enjoy the feeling of closeness that we used to have. We’re technically not back together and we never […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Weird to Cuddle with My Ex?”When you challenge someone to a hardboiled egg eating contest they say “How about you make this interesting and put your money where your mouth is!” Why would anyone ever do that? Strippers won’t even do this. If you’ve ever tried to put a dollar bill in a stripper’s mouth you know what I’m talking […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth is"Dear McFartnuggets: With female Viagra about to be approved by the FDA it’s got me wondering… Let’s say I’m at a club and spitting game at a chick and she’s giving me the cold shoulder. What if then I slip a crushed up one of my grandma’s female Viagras in her drink to make her super […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If I Slip a Woman a Female Viagra Can That Considered Rape?”Johann Wolfgang von Goethe once said “We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.” What an abstract and ridiculous quote. I don’t necessarily believe in what Goethe is saying here because actually if you lay down and don’t do shit living life the same way every single day you actually get softer and […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "We Must Always Change Ourselves; Otherwise We Harden."Dear McFartnuggets: I always hear people talking about the dangers of leaving a baby in a hot car and they say “Never leave your baby in a hot car!” How about just don’t leave babies PERIOD. Why not just say that? Like leaving a baby in a cold car or even a normal temperature car […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do People Say Not to Leave Babies in a Hot Car?"
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 