One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
When planning a funeral for someone, music choice is a critical component. You want to play some of that person’s favorite songs along with just some sad sorrowful tunes to get people in the mood for mourning. What you don’t want to do is play any of the following songs: 10. “Play That Funky Music” […]
Read More The Top 10 Worst Songs to Play at a FuneralDear McFartnuggets: I have a big job interview coming up and I want to make sure I nail it. I’ve been reading advice online and most of the advice highlights that first impressions are critical. Since first impressions are so lasting and important which impression do you think I should start off with? Jack Nicholson? […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What’s The Best First Impression to Do on a Job Interview?”Sometimes when you meet up with an ex they tell you about how awful things have been going for them since you broke up. They say shit like “It’s terrible. My world has been destroyed. I ended up losing my job and now I’m struggling to make ends meet!” Pardon me, but what ends are […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Make Ends Meet”Dear McFartnuggets: If there’s a blind performer either singing or tap dancing and they’re doing a great job you want to show your appreciation with a standing ovation, but the can’t see you standing so why do people still do it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just say to blind people “Okay we will clap […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Pointless to Give Blind People a Standing Ovation?”Sometimes a guy who skydives will tell you to “Live life to the fullest!” This sounds like it’s encouraging overeating. You should live life to be pretty full, but there’s absolutely no reason to be the FULLEST. It’s okay not to be at 100% stuffed capacity at all time. You can be at 90% and […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Live Life to the Fullest”When some guy on your cruise ship jumps in the water and gets his head cut off by a the boat propeller everyone screams “Oh my god he was BEHEADED!” He was BEheaded? I have a problem with this word. The prefix “be-” can mean a few different things. For example the word “befeather” means […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Beheading”Dear McFartnuggets: Hey everyone knows you bury a person six feet deep when they die, but what do people in England, South America, Europe, and Asia do? They don’t use feet! How the hell can they know what six feet is? That’s like 1.8288 meters! One foot is 0.3048 meters. How the heck are you supposed […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Deep Do They Bury Coffins in Countries That Use The Metric System?”Whenever you’re a part of some kind of baking competition people will run up to you and scream “THIS IS THE BIG STAGE NOW, BITCH! GO BIG OR GO HOME!” into your face. Jesus, calm down. Even if you were in a competition to cure cancer that would be a little too over the top. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Go Big or Go Home”Dear McFartnuggets: I think Ageism is one of the biggest problems facing the world today. So many people are discriminated against because of their age and it’s just accepted. What is the difference between judging someone incorrectly based on their race and their age? They’re both things that people can’t control and are the source […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Is Ageism Not Taken As Seriously as Racism?"Dear McFartnuggets: Who would win in a fight between Oprah and Ellen? Here are the conditions: 1. Oprah is in character. Ellen is not. 2. No BFR 3. Setting: A fully populated New York City. 4. Random Encounter 5. 30 minutes prep for both Who comes out on top? — Harold from Copenhagen, Denmark Dear […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Who Would Win in a Fight: Oprah vs. Ellen?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 