One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
A lot of people look forward to the month known as Summer and while there is a specific date and time when it officially begins, you don’t really need to pay attention to that. There are five very obvious telltale signs that will let you know when Summer has officially arrived and here they are: […]
Read More The Top 5 Signs That Summer is Officially HereSometimes when you get fired from a job the boss says “You’re relieved of your duties here effective immediately. Oh and don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.” This is a puzzling thing to say to someone. Presumably this lady doesn’t like me so why would she be giving me this […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Don’t Let The Door Hit Your Ass on the Way Out"Dear McFartnuggets: I was walking down the sidewalk when I saw a big yellow sign that said “Blind Persons Crossing Ahead.” It was apparently for drivers on the road, but that got me wondering how the hell do the blind people know where these crossings are? How do they do it? If I was blind […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do Blind People Know Where Blind Persons Crossings Are?”Dear McFartnuggets: Yet another woman I know put me in the Friend Zone today and now there’s almost no chance of us having sexy times together because you can never have sex with your friends. No one would ever have sex with someone they liked personality-wise! This got me thinking, has a woman ever been […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Possible to Put a Woman in the Friend Zone?”You know you’re a 90’s kid if… You were born in the 1980s. That’s how that saying should end. How would you not know if you were a 90’s kid? Either you were or you weren’t, it’s a matter of your birth date above all else. If someone says “You know you’re a 90’s kid […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You Know You’re a 90’s Kid if…”Dear McFartnuggets: Hey, with so many movies these days being sequels and repeats of the same ideas do you think Hollywood will ever run out of movie ideas? Please answer. Thanks. — Paul from Cranston, Rhode Island Dear Paul: I don’t think so. The ideas will get worse, but they’ll never fully run out of […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Will Hollywood Ever Run Out of Movie Ideas?”Sometimes when a guy is trying to sell you a special tonic he claims that he used to be paralyzed from the nipples down and says “The doctors told me I’d never walk again.” What kind of doctors tell people this? Who is going around telling people who have been seriously injured “You’ll never walk […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You’ll Never Walk Again”Whenever you hear on the news about a family that died from carbon monoxide poisoning they always say “Carbon monoxide is the silent killer!” Yeah, but a great deal of things kill you without making sounds. There’s no one specific “silent killer” out there so people need to stop saying things like “Carbon monoxide is […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Silent Killer”Dear McFartnuggets: I think humans have lost their connection with other people these days. People always want to be alone and they watch hardcore porn closed off in their homes like hermits. I remember a time when there used to be movie theaters that would play hardcore pornos and people would watch them together. It […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are Today’s People So Antisocial?”Sometimes when you wake up in a hotel bed next to a dead prostitute you panic and in your panic you decide to roll the body up in bed sheets and sneak it out into the trunk of your car. Once you roll the body up and call your grandma for help she says “Don’t […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Past The Point of No Return”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 