One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: I was at a party where I met a woman named Niamh. At first I didn’t know that’s how it was spelled. When I found out the spelling I thought it looked oddly familiar. Isn’t that a type of battery? Who the fuck is naming their kids after batteries? What’s next? Naming babies […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “I Met a Woman Named Niamh Today, Isn’t That a Type of Battery?”Dear McFartnuggets: I was on the subway and I heard a little kid about 7-years-old ask his father “Daddy why do they call it a subway?” and the dad says “Because it’s ‘WAY’ under the street.” The thing is he wasn’t joking, that’s literally why he thinks it’s called a subway. When I said “Actually […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Okay to Correct People in Front of Their Children?”Sometimes you’ll be making love to a circus clown at a petting zoo and she goes “Just so you know I have Hep B.” Apparently this is how people say they have “Hepatitis” these days and I think it’s wrong. You can’t just give a virus a cute short nickname like that. Do I go […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Hep”Dear McFartnuggets: How come whenever you see zombies in movies they’re always just eating people and turning them into zombies also? What happens when they turn everyone on Earth into a zombie? What then? What the hell will they eat? Are they stupid or something? If they’re all going to end up starving in the […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What Happens When Everyone is a Zombie?”When you’re thinking about trying some different stuff romantically you suggest to your girlfriend/escort “Why don’t we try some bondage?” Then she says “Well if you’re going to do something, you may as well do it right!” Before you know it you’re wrapped up in leather with a ball gag in your mouth hanging upside […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “If You’re Gonna Do Something, Do It Right”Dear McFartnuggets: I recently discovered I’m pregnant and it was a huge surprise. I’m not the kind of person who wants kids and one sign of that is I like to dye my pubes blue. I’ve always liked the look of it, I think it’s interesting and unique, but now I’m thinking maybe I should […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Safe to Dye My Pubic Hair While I’m Pregnant?”Dear McFartnuggets: I read that 40% of all food in America ends up in the garbage which ends up being worth around 165 billion dollars annually. People are really outraged about that, but the other 60% ends up in the toilet in the form of human shit. What’s the price tag on all that food […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is Food Waste Really a Big Deal?”Sometimes you’ll hear a guy calling your mother a “piece of ass.” I don’t like when people use this term to describe women. Not only is it disrespectful, but more importantly it makes no sense. How is a woman a “piece” of ass? Unless the woman was in a horrible sledding accident as a child, […]
Read More Dumbass sayings: “Piece of Ass”Sometimes when you try to reconnect with your estranged daughter she replies back to your letters and says “I don’t want to hear from you again. I hate your guts.” At first reading something like that hurts a lot, but then you realize, of course she hates your guts. Who loves people’s digestive organs? You’d […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I Hate Your Guts”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 