One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: Let me know what you think about this weird thing that happened to me. I just thought of a really good idea for a new invention that could change the world and while I was thinking it then I sneezed. That made me think maybe sneezing is your brain having an orgasm. That […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is Sneezing Like Your Brain Having an Orgasm?”Sometimes you’ll go to Olive Garden to enjoy their never ending pasta bowl and breadsticks. When it comes to closing time a waiter walks up and says “Sir, we’re going to need you to leave.” When you explain to the waiter that the offer is a “Never ending pasta bowl and breadsticks” he says “Sir, […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Never Ending For A Limited Time”Dear McFartnuggets: Okay this is is a little difficult to ask. I’ve been having problems all my life pooping. My whole life as far as I can remember I’ve been having trouble getting all of it out. I just thought this was a normal thing I had to deal with. Every time I pooped I would […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Are There Alternatives to The Squatty Potty?”Sometimes on October 31st you’ll have a grown man dressed like Miley Cyrus ring your doorbell, demand bite sized Snickers while screaming “You’re never too old to go trick or treating!” before he vomits Starburst and Reese’s all over your porch. First of all, yes we are trying to get Uncle Jeff the help he […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You’re Never Too Old to Go Trick or Treating”Dear McFartnuggets: History has shown us that Christopher Columbus didn’t discover the Americas. When he arrived there were indigenous people already there and he brutally colonized the area, killing countless people and stealing their land. The other day my son came home from school telling me all about how great Christopher Columbus was and how […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t Schools Teach Kids The Truth About Christopher Columbus?”When a woman is very attractive people call them a “dime piece.” The word “dime” is used to represent the number 10 as in, a perfect 10 out of 10 score when rating a woman’s face and body. So really when you call a woman a “dime piece” you’re basically calling her a “ten piece.” […]
Read More Dumbass sayings: “Dime Piece”Whenever you’re around women they always talk about their psychic powers. Women will always say something like “I knew that hitchhiker was going to try to kill us! It’s my women’s intuition!” Women always claim to have this special power of intuition that allows them to predict bad things before they happen. The problem with […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “My Women’s Intuition”When you’re at a funeral these days one of the most cliche things for someone to say about the deceased is “He touched so many people.” Now this used to not be a big deal, but molesters ruined this for everyone. Now when someone says “He touched so many people, especially his students” everyone automatically […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “He Touched So Many People”Dear McFartnuggets: My dog is about 40-years-old in dog years and I know that’s about the time when you’re supposed to go get your prostate checked. The problem is I don’t have a lot of money and my dog doesn’t have healthcare right now, THANKS OBAMA! So I was wondering what the best way to […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do I Check My Dog For Prostate Cancer?”Sometimes you’ll wake up late for work so you have to speed through your morning routine. You don’t take a shower because that would take too much time. You do poop, but you don’t have time to wipe. You run to work and the first person to see you says “Holy cow you stink to […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Stink To High Heaven”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 