One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: So I just moved to a new town and I really need a car to get around to my new job and stuff. I’ve been looking to buy a new car but the only places that sell cars are car dealerships which are always in the middle of nowhere on freeway type roads […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Are You Supposed to Get to a Car Dealership if You Don’t Have a Car?”When you hear someone talking about how easy it was to beat you in ping pong or sleep with your wife they say “It was like shooting fish in a barrel!” I’m not really sure how that’s an easy thing to do. I’ve never actually attempted it before, for obvious reasons, but shooting fish in […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Shooting Fish in a Barrel”Dear McFartnuggets: When I wear my glasses people and can see I’m visually impaired and they treat me differently than I do when I’m wearing my contacts. It makes me want to wear my contacts all the time, but it feels wrong to hide who I am. I feel like I’m in the closet every […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are So Many People Visionist?”Sometimes you’ll hear an overweight woman at the jewelry section of Walmart scream “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend!” This is such a bizarre saying. I know it started as a corny ass Marilyn Monroe song, but women have really taken this and ran with it. It’s such a hypocritical statement for women to make. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”Dear McFartnuggets: How come the referee before a boxing match always brings the two fighters in and gives them instructions before a fight? It’s always the same speech every time. They always say “I’ve given you the instructions in the dressing room, no low blows, protect yourselves at all times, obey my commands at all […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Does The Referee Always Give Instructions Before A Fight?”For some reason when a man whistles at a woman on the street that’s called “Catcalling.” First off, it’s seen as very disrespectful because it makes women feel uncomfortable like you’re viewing their bodies and being aroused by them. The thing I don’t get about catcalling is it’s really how you would call a dog. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Catcalling”Dear McFartnuggets: If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late would you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last or try to tap some candy ass? Would you forgive your enemies? If today was your last day? — Damon from Tahoe City, California Dear Damon: What? If […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Today Was Your Last Day Would You Forgive Your Enemies?”People love to go on and on about their lives and say shit like “If you told me ten years ago I’d be outside the back of a 7/11 giving rusty hand jobs for scratch-off lottery tickets, I would have called you a nut!” I’m like, “I’ll give you a nut!” But seriously, I get […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “If You Told Me Ten Years Ago…”Dear McFartnuggets: I’ve noticed that for some reason when it’s a really sunny day even if it’s not that hot and just like 70 degrees women will wear shirts that show their titties and shorts or really tight pants. The thing is if its the same temperature, same humidity, but cloudy you don’t see that […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "How Come Women Only Dress Whorish When It’s Sunny Outside?"Sometimes when you’re in the locker room at a health club and you mention to an elderly man standing next to you that his balls are touching your leg he says “You got a problem with that, sonny? You feeling lucky? You wanna get your clock cleaned?” Actually, yes! Are you offering your services as […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Getting Your Clock Cleaned”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 