One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations about 40% of all food in America gets wasted, around 165 billion dollars worth every year! Why is it that Americans waste so much damn food? I thought they were eating it all! How can you waste that much food and still […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Americans Waste So Much Food?”One thing you hear people say a lot is “It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.” This is a nice idea, but it’s ultimately a flawed concept. Of course how you start matters. If you start life as a homeless crack baby then yeah that’s a pretty big deal. If you start life […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “It’s Not How You Start, It’s How You Finish”Sometimes a person sees you masturbating to sunbathers at the park and they say “You need a hobby…” Apparently this is the new way of saying “Get a life” and I have to say it’s very hypocritical. First of all, maybe this is my hobby! Did you ever stop to consider that? Also, what are […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You Need a Hobby”Dear McFartnuggets: I’m three months pregnant and after watching YouTube videos I’ve decided I’m going to teach my child to speak with an English accent. For some reason children are a thousand times cuter when they speak in an English accent like they’re tiny butlers running around in a Charles Dickens story. I’m just wondering […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Okay to Raise My Child to Speak in an English Accent?”Sometimes you catch a woman going through your personal items when she thinks you’re gone. You yell, “Hey what the hell are you doing?!” And like clockwork she says “Sorry, I’m just a curious person.” What kind of excuse is that for violating someone’s privacy? You’re a curious person? Okay so that’s supposed to give […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I’m a Curious Person”Dear McFartnuggets: I really want to help other people less fortunate than me, the problem is I don’t have very much money at the moment. What I do have is a lot of spare time and I am a great masturbator. I know that people can be sperm donors and sell their sperm so is […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Can I Donate Sperm To Charity?”Sometimes when you push an old lady in a Wal-Mart parking lot after she was talking shit during a dispute over a parking spot, onlookers shake their heads and say “You should respect your elders, punk!” There’s this belief across much of the world that you have to respect elderly people automatically even when they’ve […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Respect Your Elders”Dear McFartnuggets: Hey I was wondering what it’s like to have a grandpa. I never knew mine. I’ve always wanted to have a grandfather, but I only have grandmothers. I have three grandmas. My grandpa on my father’s side passed away. My mother’s parents are both women. My biggest grandma is transgendered so she would have […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What is it Like to Have a Grandpa?”Sometimes when you’re the head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency dealing with the aftermath of a hurricane, a guy in a cowboy hat will walk up to you and say “You’re doing a heck of a job!” Heck of course is a politically correct substitute for “Hell.” The problem I have with this saying […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You’re Doing a Heck of a Job”In the year 1977 The Commodores came out with the hit song “Brick House.” The song features the lyrics “She’s a brick house” and goes on to sing the praises of a woman who is built like a house made of bricks. My question is why would you want to fuck a house? Why would […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “She’s a Brick House”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 