One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
One of people’s favorite things to say to you in the mornings is “Isn’t it a little early to be drinking?” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this, mostly because I blackout shortly after, but suffice it to say it’s very annoying. I never understood this whole being too early to drink […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Isn’t it a Little Early to Drink?”Sometimes when you’re out having dinner with a lady she puts her hand over yours and says “God really broke the mold when he made you.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? God broke the mold? What mold? First off, if God has a mold that he uses to make people in then […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “God Broke The Mold When He Made You”Dear McFartnuggets: I have a sort of embarrassing condition to admit. I am deathly afraid of midgets. I don’t know exactly when it started, maybe when I was a kid. I was at a park and I saw a midget there and it was really creepy to me for some reason. It was an adult […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Normal to Be Afraid of Midgets?”You hear a lot on the news about national security trying to prevent “lone wolf” attacks from terrorists. I really don’t like that term “lone wolf attack.” We shouldn’t call them “lone wolves.” Why not? Because lone wolf sounds kinda cool. Wolves are very beautiful animals. Why would you link the hideousness of terrorism with […]
Read More Dumbass sayings: “Lone Wolf”Dear McFartnuggets: My son, Nelson ran into the house today after his mother picked him up from tee-ball and showed me a trophy he received. I was so proud of him until I read the trophy and it said “For Participation.” I wanted to throw the crap in the garbage, but my wife stopped me. […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Wrong to Give All Children Participation Trophies?”When your grandmother calls your cousin a “little slut” at Thanksgiving and then your cousin slaps your grandma in the face, your aunt turns to you and yells “Shit just got real!” Shit just got real? I got news for ya, shit was always real. We occur in the realm of reality here. Any “shit” […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Shit Just Got Real”Dear McFartnuggets: I got hit in the balls with a hockey puck the other day and when I regained consciousness today I got to thinking, why did G-d make testicles so sensitive? What is the point of that? Why would G-d design man with such an obvious and crippling weakness? How does that help anyone? […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Did God Make Testicles So Sensitive?”When you’re six-years-old and you walk into the living room wearing a tiny leather jacket all your relatives go “Oh isn’t he a ladykiller!” What?! A “ladykiller”? Seriously? So let me get this straight, when a boy looks cute you connect that with slaughtering females? No, I’m sorry. In today’s age that’s totally unacceptable. Murdering […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Ladykiller”When a consumer sees the features of a car in a car commercial they yell “I’M SOLD!” I don’t know how this makes any sense to say. If you decide to buy an item, you’re not actually sold. If you were the actual product then you’d be sold. You’re a person paying money for the […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I’m Sold”Dear McFartnuggets: It seems these days that everyone and their grandmother loves the look of a bleached butthole. I don’t want to go blow two hundred dollars to have some weird lady in a parlor do it. I much rather trust my own steady hands while I’m bent over in front of the full length […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Can I Use Clorox To Bleach My Anus?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 