Dumbass Sayings: “To Die For”

Sometimes you’ll be making small talk with some fat guy at a deli and he says “You gotta try my grandmother’s veal! My grandmother’s veal is to die for!” I don’t understand this phrase at all. What is the point in that? If you DIE you can’t enjoy what you’re talking about, because you’re dead. […]

Dumbass Sayings: “A Slice of Heaven”

When people eat a really good piece of pizza or cake they say “It’s like a slice of Heaven!” How can you slice Heaven? Scientists aren’t even convinced Heaven exists and you’re already cutting it up and eating it? You’re digesting Heaven? Think about that. Why would you digest and then eventually defecate a slice […]

Dumbass Sayings: “I Was Born Ready”

Sometimes before you’re about to go skydiving or rob a bank you look at the other person in the plane or car and say “Are you ready?” and they say “I was born ready.” Really? You were BORN ready? I sincerely doubt that. You’re trying to tell me that the moment your head crowned out […]

Ray Lewis Announces Retirement Says His Children Have Given The "Ultimate Sacrifice"

Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis has announced that he will retire from the NFL after the upcoming playoffs. In his press conference he said “God is calling him” and that during his career his children “have given the ultimate sacrifice”. I know when a sports star retires we like to cry and act like someone just […]