One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
NBC’s “Sunday Night Football Theme” has a line that says “I’ve been waiting all day for Sunday night.” This would really be more suitable for Monday Night Football. On Mondays people actually wait through the workday and all the horribleness that is Mondays to enjoy a fun football game later at night. On Sunday people […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Waiting All Day For Sunday Night”Maybe fat people flying iswhere people’s suspension ofdisbelief finally snaps. Dear McFartnuggets: How come you never see any morbidly obese Superheroes in comic books and movies? I mean who are fat kids with glandular problems supposed to look up to? Seeing all fit and slim superheroes probably makes them feel even worse about themselves. People always […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Aren’t There Any Obese Superheroes?Sometimes when people are in love they start to say crazy things like “There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you!” Now maybe a few people are being serious, but for the vast majority this is usually an outright lie. I don’t care how much you love your fiancee, there are definitely things […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "There’s Nothing in This World I Wouldn’t Do"Nothing worse than a juicymouthed Herpes carrier. Dear McFartnuggets: I was talking to this old lady today who had big sores on her lips and while she was talking she was just spraying wads of excess saliva from her juicy ass mouth and it was just hitting me all over the place, on the face, […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Can I Get Herpes From Someone Spitting on Me?”Chanting is harder to doalone with a stuffedwolverine. Dear McFartnuggets: How come when you’re at a sports bar people chant a player’s name or a team’s name like “Let’s go Yankees!” or “Derek Jeter!” They’re nowhere near the stadium, the players can’t hear them. What is the point of this? Are people stupid? — Maryann […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Chant at Sports Bars?”Back when your grandmother was sexually active there was a saying that went “See a penny pick it up!” Back then you could yet a loaf of bread for a penny so it really was good fortune to stumble upon a penny. This is a completely outdated saying and people need to stop. There’s absolutely […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "See a Penny, Pick it Up!"When people map out the lineage of their family they call it a “Family tree.” These people apparently don’t know how trees work. A “family tree” or “pedigree chart” starts with two people at the top and then branches DOWN. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a tree before, but they usually start at […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Family Tree”When someone finds out you do impressions of people they’ll often times run up to you and yell “DO ME! DO MEEEEE!!” This can be a very confusing and misleading exclamation coming from a woman. One minute this woman thinks she’s asking you to do an impression of her, the next you’re on the ground […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Do Me!”You don’t need a cleversign when you have a tumor. Dear McFartnuggets: How come I never see homeless people with Cancer? Whenever I see homeless people they’re always up and moving around yelling at the Sun and masturbating on the bus, etc. They’re always up and at em! What is the deal with this? Are […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Come I Never See Homeless People with Cancer?”And if you’re not at the frontof the line, don’t be a hero andram cars out of the way. Dear McFartnuggets: Hey Binkie, I’m at a red light right now and there’s an ambulance with the siren on behind me. I’m at the front of the line here and there’s only one lane, there are […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Am I Allowed To Run a Red Light if an Ambulance is Stuck Behind Me?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 