One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Worst tamponever. Sometimes people say stupid things like “My uncle is going to try to pull some strings to get me a job at Cracker Barrel.” What is this business of pulling strings? Is your uncle some kind of puppetmaster? Is he above the people of Cracker Barrell manipulating them like marionettes? That’s such an […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Pull Some Strings”If you really care aboutyour brain what are youdoing drinking to begin with? Dear McFartnuggets: Is it really true that drinking alcohol kills brain cells? — Denise from Lancaster, Pennsylvania Dear Denise: Contrary to popular belief, studies have shown that drinking ethanol does not destroy brain cells. The problem is that alcohol damages dendrites in […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Does Drinking Alcohol Kill Brain Cells?”Some people say “Lightning never strikes the same place twice” and that’s just stupid. Earth is 4.54 billion years old. Think of all the lightning strikes that have occurred in that time. Even though the surface area of Earth is 196.9 million square miles, according the National Weather Service there are 100 lightning strikes hitting […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Lightning Never Strikes Twice in The Same Place”When someone’s taking a dump on a public bus people say he’s “Off his rocker.” People know that this means “insane” but if you ask them what a “rocker” is and how that relates to the characterization of insanity, that’s when they stare at you with a blank face. The reason for their silence is […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Off Your Rocker”White corn be like“Oh look at me, I’morganic!” Dear McFartnuggets: While I was in the grocery store today I took a visit to the snack lane and let’s just say I was appalled at what I seen. I was thinking I’m in the mood for some crispy tortilla chips and I seen all these “White […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do I See White Corn Chips Everywhere But No Black Corn Chips?”Got your nose! Have you ever heard the saying “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face”? Do people think before they say this stuff? Who the hell cuts their nose off in the first place? Most people can’t relate to this scenario. Plus, if someone’s going to cut their own damn nose off […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Cutting Off Your Nose To Spite Your Face”First off, don’t look like you just took a lot of drugs. Dear McFartnuggets: I love taking selfies of myself but I want to push the boundaries and show people something they’ve never seen before. Can you please suggest to me some ways I can revolutionize the selfie game forever? — Patricia from Rhode Island Dear […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "How Can I Take The Best Selfie Possible?"Not everyone can affordspecial sweat resistantastronaut underpants. It’s the dog days of summer which means one thing: your ass turns into Splash Mountain. There’s nothing quite like the sensation of having a sweaty ass. It’s very uncomfortable, kinda like having wet socks, except instead of socks, it’s your underpants. Sweaty ass is one of the […]
Read More Five Simple Ways To Reduce Ass Sweating in the SummerWhy do jungles evenhave a monarchy? Dear McFartnuggets: People always say that lions are the king of the jungle so who are the queens of the jungle? Are there queens of the jungle? Is the queen of the jungle a female lion? That would be weird to have lions be both the kings and queens […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Lions Are The Kings of The Jungle, Who Are The Queens?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 