One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
What is truth? Sometimes when you’re talking to someone and you say “Boy, heroin is getting really expensive these days” someone will say “So true. SO TRUE!” How can something be SO true? Either something’s true or false. There aren’t degrees to which something can be true or false. When you’re taking a true or […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “So True”“Is it Ukraine or THE Ukraine?TELL ME DAMNIT!” Dear McFartnuggets: With the country “Ukraine” in the news a lot most people are calling it just “Ukraine”, but I remember growing up people only ever called it “The Ukraine.” Which is the proper way to say it? — Nicole from Newburgh, New York Dear Nicole: People […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it ‘Ukraine’ or ‘THE Ukraine’?”It’s always funny to me when someone starts off a sentence with the word “basically.” They’ll say something like “Basically, you’ve got an inoperable tumor in your pancreas.” Let’s just get one thing straight, if you’re trying to say something “basically” that means you’re trying to speak in the most essential, stripped down, distilled fashion […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Basically”The key to good advertising is relating to the consumer. If you’ve ever nearly shat your pants in public you’ll be able to relate to the guy in the first commercial, maybe… If you’ve ever had a whorish mother you’ll probably relate to the child in the second commercial. And if you have dentures then […]
Read More Insane Banned Commercials From Back in The DayIt’s not margarine’s faultit wasn’t born the same asbutter. Dear McFartnuggets: I keep hearing people badmouthing and insulting trans fats all the time and it’s getting a little offensive. Who cares if these fats are trans? Why do people feel the need to get involved in the private lives of fats? It doesn’t concern you! […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Hate Trans Fats So Much?”There’s actually a restaurant out there called “Macaroni Grill.” What kind of name is that? Anyone who’s ever tried to cook macaroni on a grill knows the noodles fall through the grill and burn up in the flames. Pasta isn’t meant to be barbecued. What a ridiculous name. Even if “Macaroni Grill” doesn’t refer to […]
Read More Dumbass Restaurant Names: “Macaroni Grill”Ebola is no joke, folks. I’ve been getting a lot of questions about Ebola lately so instead of answer them all individually I’m going to write a list of Ebola tips and tricks. Because you can be infected with Ebola for up to 21 days without even knowing you’re sick it’s very possible this will […]
Read More The Top 5 Ways to Avoid Getting EbolaWhen you come back from gambling at the dog track and your wife asks you how much money you lost, she says “Give me a ballpark guess. Just a ballpark figure!” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Who the hell comes up with these phrases? A ballpark guess? When you say a “Ballpark […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Ballpark Guess”Take care of yourfibulas, folks! Dear McFartnuggets: How come ever since Kevin Ware all these other athletes like Anderson Silva and Paul George are snapping their legs in half too? I never used to see this happen and now it happens to someone new every year. Why are so many pro athletes getting their legs […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are So Many Athletes Getting Leg Fractures?”It’s no secret that kickers and punters have always been treated like second class citizens in the NFL. If kickers were considered scum then punters were considered amoeba who suck on scum. They don’t even let the punters introduce themselves at the beginning of games where they show the little head and the player says […]
Read More Ray Guy Finally Breaks The Punter Barrier in The NFL’s Hall of Fame
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 