Ask McFartnuggets: “Why is Everyone Obsessed with Applewood These Days?”

Applewood is packedwith fiber. Dear McFartnuggets: What is the deal with Applewood? I’m seeing commercials featuring this stuff everywhere. There’s the Subway Applewood pulled pork sandwich and I just saw a McDonald’s commercial about Applewood smoked bacon. What the hell IS Applewood? Why is it so great? Where did it come from? What does it […]

The Top 5 Benefits to Playing Table Tennis

Tables and sports don’tcombine nearly enough. Table tennis is one of the fastest growing sports in the world. Okay, it’s not. I was lying. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun game to take up in your spare time. If you’ve been thinking about playing tennis you should consider the mini variety first. Here […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Am I Going to Get The Ebola?”

If you’re really worried,invest in one of these suits. Dear McFartnuggets: I’m hearing on the news that the Ebola is spreading all over the world. I’m getting very scared about this! I don’t want the Ebola! Am I going to get the Ebola? I’m scared! How do I keep the Ebola away? — Hector from […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Remind Me To Get Roses When I’m Near Any Flower Shop”

In a new commercial for Cortana, the equivalent of Siri for Windows Phones, the man says to his phone “Remind me to get roses when I’m near any flower shop.” His marriage anniversary is coming up so he needs his phone to remind him to get flowers for his wife. Are people really this helpless? […]

The Top 5 Cities We’re Glad Buffalo Wings Weren’t Invented

Buffalo wings reallydodged a bullet. Buffalo wings are a classic, delicious food that are ubiquitous in bars and restaurants all around the world. They their name not because they’re made from buffalo meat, but because the dish was first served in Buffalo, New York. Keeping that in mind, it’s a good thing Buffalo wings were […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do I Open a Savings Account at the Local Sperm Bank?”

Most places don’t haveATM deposit capabilityyet. Dear McFartnuggets: I drive past a sperm bank every day on my way to work and I keep thinking about going in there one day to speak with a representative about opening an account. I don’t know if I really need to, but I feel like I have enough sperm […]

Dumbass Sayings: “So Easy a Caveman Could Do it”

The Geico insurance company once had a popular slogan “So easy a caveman could do it.” Their silly commercials completely distracted people from realizing this phrase made no sense. First off, a caveman could not apply for Geico insurance. They wouldn’t even know what the hell insurance was. I can barely understand it. Let me […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “If The Odds of Winning The Lottery Are So Low Why Does Someone Win Every Time?”

Statistically, you’re more likelyto get probed up the ass by aWar of the World’s tripod thanwin the lottery. Dear McFartnuggets: They always say on the news that your odds of winning the Mega Millions lotto is actually worse than your odds of being struck by lightning three times in a row while pregnant with identical […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Chase The Sun”

“Chase The Sun” is the title of a few different songs by Jaden Smith, Planet Funk, and also Hilary Duff. It’s also the name of an album by The O.C. Supertones. At this point the saying “Chase the sun” is a pretty cliched phrase in the music world. The only problem is that it makes […]

The Top 5 Worst Responses To Someone Saying “I Love You”

You show someone your heartand they get all creeped out. When someone says “I love you” it’s really a special moment for them usually. Even if it’s not feeling so special to you, it’s still good to take that person’s emotions into consideration and give the proper response. You don’t always have to say “I […]

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