One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
To get a life you mustfirst take a life. When you’re following someone around town watching everything they do and going through their trash cans they’ll come outside and say “Get a life!” I never understood this saying. People only say this to living individuals. You would never tell a corpse to get a life […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: “Get A Life”Back when peepshows didn’t require a mop. Dear McFartnuggets: Why do people call me a “peeping tom”? My name is Anthony damnit! — Anthony from Bridgewater, Conn. Dear Anthony: The name Peeping Tom comes from the legend of Lady Godiva. Lady Godiva was married to some guy who was taxing people. She felt bad for them […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Call Me A Peeping Tom?”Sometimes when someone asks you to come to their Babylon 5 marathon party you say “I would if only I had the time, but I’ll be busy.” Then they’ll reply “If ifs and buts were candy and nuts we’d have a Merry Christmas!” Okay… I’m not really sure what that’s supposed to mean. I think […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “If Ifs And Buts Were Candy And Nuts”You never know when someonehas a Talkman recording you. Everyone sings in the shower whether you like to admit it or not. The key is not being caught. Usually you only sing in the shower when you think you’re the only one in the house or you’re drunk. Normally when you sing a popular current […]
Read More The Top 5 Most Awkward Songs To Sing in the ShowerOne of the most famous sayings in the world is “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.” Well this couldn’t be more wrong. Friends let friends drive drunk all the time, usually they’re in the car too and drunk as well. I think the saying should be “Friends SHOULD NEVER let friends drive drunk.” Even if […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk”Dear McFartnuggets: I am eating pizza right now while high and wondering why are pizza boxes square when pizzas are round? Shouldn’t pizza boxes be circles? — Latisha from Fort Lauderdale Dear Latisha: If you were buying a globe would you expect for it to come in a spherical box? If you were buying a […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are Pizza Boxes Square When Pizzas Are Round?”Is that a porcelain vase?No, it’s a bull’sreproductive system. When you come to Thanksgiving dinner high off your ass on Cocaine usually you don’t remember any of it, but your family tells you that you were going crazy, breaking everything like “A bull in a China shop.” What the hell is a China shop? Is […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Bull in a China Shop”Security is so damn touchy at museums. Going to an art museum is a great way to spend some time over the weekend. It’s a relaxing way to enjoy some of the world’s finest artwork and really appreciate the visual gift of art. Sadly, there are a lot of rules at most art exhibits. These rules […]
Read More The Top 5 Stupidest Art Museum Rules“Vous manger la merde fils muet de pute!” Sometimes when your grandpa goes off on a drunken profanity laced tirade at Denny’s he’ll cap it off by saying “Pardon my French!” Unfortunately if you’re me you learn a little too late that this is not actual French. If you’re ever visiting Montreal or any area […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Pardon My French”I didn’t know you couldmake a TV out of a party cup. For some reason a lot of products out there like to insult the users intelligence by telling them exactly what to do with them, like earmuffs. Yeah we know they go over your ears. Where the hell else are we going to put […]
Read More The Top 5 Most Redundantly Named Inventions
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 