One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Do souls even haveaccess to hammocks? Whenever someone brings up the name of a dead relative like your Uncle Jeff, they always say “God rest his soul!” Why do people say that? Is that a command? You know God hears that and says “Oh should I? Okay thanks!” Don’t give God orders like that. If […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “God Rest His Soul”Dear McFartnuggets: I love doing yoga it’s been helping me a lot with my chronic back pain, except that I also have a gas problem. I’ve farted during my yoga class twice in the past week and it’s been devastating for me emotionally. All the women just kept going, but I know they heard it. […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Keep From Farting During Yoga Class?”Santa has fallen on hardtimes since the elf strike. Dear McFartnuggets: I give a dollar to the same homeless beggar on the street every day before work, but I don’t think it’s actually helping him. What is the point of giving him him the money if it’s not really doing any good? I want to […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Should I Give Money To Homeless Beggars On The Street?”You can’t fire someone andexpect them not to makea little noise. Sometimes when your boss catches you masturbating in the broom closet she’ll say “You’re fired!” What is that supposed to mean? I’m FIRED? I’m not fired, I’ve just lost my job here. How can you be fired from a job? Is a job a […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You’re Fired”Headfirst into a diluted vat of piss and he don’t even know it. Dear McFartnuggets: When I go swimming at the public pool I always pee in there because it’s too much of a hassle to get out of the water and go over to a bush. People tell me it’s wrong to go in the […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Wrong To Pee In A Public Pool?”Mommy, why are the worms hugging? When your town has a problem with deer overpopulation and you release wild dingos into the streets people call that “Opening up a can of worms.” They mean you’ve created a situation that’s going to cause trouble or unpleasantness. This is a saying that really doesn’t make any sense at […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: “Opening Up A Can of Worms”Mirrors always be mocking. When a person wants to get on your nerves one of their favorite things to do is to mimic everything you say and do. When you say “Stop copying me!” They say “Stop copying me!” It seems like there’s no way to get them to stop, but there are certain loopholes […]
Read More The Top 5 Ways To Get Someone To Stop Copying YouHockey was never meantto make sense. Dear McFartnuggets: Why the hell is it called the National Hockey League if Canada and America are both involved? What nation are they referring to? Shouldn’t it be called the Binational Hockey League? — Molly from Houston, Texas Dear Molly: Well, technically the nationhat t the league’s title refers […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why is it Called The National Hockey League if Two Countries Participate?”A lot of times you’ll ask a lady to dance at a promenade or discoteca and she’ll respond by saying “I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.” GOOD! I’m glad! Who the hell wants to get touched with a ten foot pole. I’m glad you wouldn’t touch me with a ten foot pole. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I Wouldn’t Touch You With A Ten Foot Pole”“This is MY tree!” Dear McFartnuggets: My dog pees everywhere and my grandma told me it’s because he’s marking his territory. How come animals mark their territory with urine? — Beverly from Fort Collins, Texas Dear Beverly: Urinating to mark territory is something that animals have evolved to do. Typically if you have a territory […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Come Animals Mark Their Territory With Urine?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 