One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Mmm… Black juice. Dear McFartnuggets: Lately everyone is telling me “Orange is the new Black.” I hate when people say crap like this. Orange is the new black, black is the new white, pink is the new 50, 50 is the new 20, 20 is the new black, blah blah blahhhh!! What’s wrong with Black […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is Orange Really The New Black?”Never stare at a man who’snot wearing a shirt. Everyone loves a good staring contest now and again. It’s a great way to exercise your eyes and work on testing your willpower against another person. However, there are appropriate opponents to face in staring contests and there are inappropriate opponents. As an eye starer you’re […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst People To Get Into A Staring Contest WithHere’s a trio of completely bizarre ads from back when commercials didn’t need to make any particular sense. Here you’ve got a mutant woman showing the negative effects of drug use, Bill Cosby punching a giant toothpaste, and a group of teenage hoodlums harassing a police officer.
Read More Vintage Absurd Commercials From The Good Old Days of TVDear McFartnuggets: You’re not supposed to feed a mogwai after midnight, but how long do you have to wait after midnight to feed one? — Babs from Staten Island, New York Dear Babs: Actually I don’t think you’re allowed to feed them ever. Technically it’s always “after midnight.” Think about it. When is ever NOT […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Soon After Midnight Can You Feed A Mogwai?”Sometimes people will say things like “I’ve got so much to do today, I’ve gotta wash the car, mow the lawn, take the kids to judo, vacuum the floor, restore a Victorian era painting, masturbate, cook dinner, vacuum the ceiling, train for a marathon, adopt a homeless person, NOT TO MENTION, bathe them!” Whenever someone […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Not To Mention”Not sure what’s going on here. When you have a baby you want them to get the best nutrition possible, but it’s also important to remember that certain foods just aren’t geared toward babies. A lot of foods out there pose dangerous health risks to a toddler or infant and it’s important to recognize which […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Foods To Feed To A BabyOr you could fix the brakes. When you fail at something usually a middle aged woman will walk up to you and say with a smile on her face “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again!” Yeah that sounds fun and cheerful, but what if you just attempted suicide and failed? Basically what […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again”A real pro uses those nightvision goggles from “Jurassic Park.” Dear McFartnuggets: I’ve noticed this guy following me around taking photos of me and watching me through binoculars around town. It’s getting a little annoying and I wish he’d stop, but I don’t know how because whenever I tell the police I have no real […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do I Get Someone To Stop Stalking Me?”Okay, that’s a bag made out of a cat… When you’re trying to keep your brother’s plans for a Thailand sex change surgery a secret and accidentally blurt it out after a few drinks at Thanksgiving dinner he’ll say “Well the cat’s out of the bag now!” I just don’t get this saying at all. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “The Cat’s Out of The Bag”Not everything goes togetherlike opium and napping. Some addictions go really well together like exercise and caffeine, marijuana and food, or bath salts and rage. Then there are addictions that you should never have simultaneously. Having more than one addiction is usually bad, but having two addictions that don’t go together can be deadly. Here […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Addiction Combinations
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 