One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Not til I’ve had my morningdiarrhea in a cup. Sometimes when you try to say “Good morning” to a coworker they’ll bark “Not til I’ve had my morning coffee!” push you hard in the chest, throwing you into the wall and then they storm away to the break room. I don’t understand this at all. […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: “Not Til I’ve Had My Morning Coffee!”Reality TV has given usa lot of subpar celebrities. Dear McFartnuggets: Have you noticed that new celebrities these days really aren’t that great? They’re nothing like they used to be. Who’s the modern day equivalent of Elvis or The Beatles? Justin Timberlake is good, but he’s not THAT GOOD. What are we going to do […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Are There Enough Good Young Celebrities To Replace The Old Ones?”Nearly everyone has heard the famous quote “If you’re not cheating you’re not trying.” Some people agree with it, some don’t. Obviously it is possible to try without cheating. I think this quote means to say “If you’re not cheating you’re not doing everything to succeed.” Now THAT would sort of make sense because doing […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “If You’re Not Cheating You’re Not Trying”Oh, hey Uncle Jeff! Dear McFartnuggets: Why is it when a man wears a sun dress, that makes him a transvestite, but a woman can wear a sport coat or a flannel shirt with slacks and she’s not a transvestite? — Harry from Boston Dear Harry: Technically a woman wearing male clothing would be a […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Come Women Who Wear Men’s Clothes Aren’t Considered Transvestites?”Don’t waste my time.Just say no. When you ask a woman if she wants to go to the aquarium with you on Saturday she usually says “I’ll think about it.” Cut to you dressed in your dolphin t-shirt and Shamu hat waiting by the phone for her call back and it never comes. Apparently “I’ll […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I’ll Think About It”It’s game time. When you’re playing backyard football with your family on Thanksgiving, your dad always tells you to “Put your goddamn game face on!” At the time you’re scared and you don’t want to disappoint your father so you look as angry as possible and spear your grandma straight to hell when she gets […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: “Game Face”Eating the corpse isalso frowned upon. Dear McFartnuggets: My friend invited me to his uncle’s funeral and since funerals are boring I decided to dress up like a zombie for fun. Well his family is really religious and they got uber offended by my costumery. I don’t get it. Is it inappropriate to dress up […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Inappropriate To Dress Up Like A Zombie For A Funeral?”What’s that sonny?!I couldn’t hear you I was toobusy enjoying all this GOLD. One thing people say without really thinking is “Silence is golden.” People who say this clearly don’t know anyone who has a hearing impairment because if silence is golden then being deaf must be great. Of course it’s not. We all know […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Silence is Golden”Giving birth is just poopingone big crying turd. Dear McFartnuggets: My wife gave birth a few weeks ago to a beautiful baby boy. I was just rewatching the video of the childbirth and as much as I want to look back on that moment with joy and pride it’s difficult because my wife shat herself […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Normal For Your Wife To Crap During Childbirth?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 