One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
So THAT’S why theocean is so salty! When people die it’s a social ritual to stand over them saying “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.” It’s supposed to signify the eternal circle of life how we begin as ash and end up ash, but I’m not sure that actually makes sense. People don’t start […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Ashes To Ashes and Dust To Dust”Dwarves may be a warriorrace, but that doesn’t givethem the right to beat kids. Dear McFartnuggets: While driving past the local park the other day I saw a group of children who couldn’t be older than 11 in a fist fight with an adult dwarf. It happened so fast that I couldn’t really process what […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Okay For Adult Dwarfs To Fight Kids?”What thehell? When someone tells you that your parents died in a fiery car wreck and you say “Oh my god! What hospital are they at!” Sometimes they say “I’m just pullin your leg.” That means they’re just kidding. What does pulling someone’s leg have to do with joking? If you pull my leg that’s not […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I’m Just Pulling Your Leg”That tiger is going tobite your nuts off. When you look at the trend of underpants over the course of human history, they keep getting smaller and smaller and smaller. We started at bloomers, then panties, then g-strings, then c-strings, and now some people just walk around with a bandaid over their genitals. It’s quite […]
Read More The Top 3 Negatives To Not Wearing UnderpantsMr. Peanut is not a trendsetter. Dear McFartnuggets: Is it possible to be addicted to marijuana? Anyways, monocles used to be considered high fashion in the 1790’s. Now nobody wears them anymore! The only person who really wears them anymore is the Planters Man. Why does he wear a monocle? And why is he staring […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t People Wear Monocles Anymore?”(Showing the ropes) When you’re showing someone new at work how the dildo machine fills the molds with plastic and rubber that’s called “Showing someone the ropes.” Why? There are no ropes. Who the hell deals with ropes anymore? It’s the year 2014. The only time you can show someone the ropes these days is […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Show The Ropes”Never misinterpret a wave. We’ve all been there. You see a stranger waving at you and your natural instinct is to wave back. It should be to think “Why the hell is this freak waving at me? I’m going to run away” but for some reason we crave that waving to another human even if […]
Read More What To Do When You Wave Back At Someone When They Were Waving To Someone Behind YouThis is a REAL disabled list. When a baseball player gets a sprained ankle they usually put him on the “Disabled List.” I know people who are disabled, both mentally and physically. Cerebral Palsy, Polio, Acromegaly, Gynecomastia, these are disabilities. Having a list for professional baseball players who hurt their arm and calling them “Disabled” […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Disabled List”Farting while measuringa tortoise. Not ideal,but not terrible. There are really never any GOOD times to fart, but there certainly are horrible times to fart. Whenever you feel that urge to pass gas just take a moment to stop, look around at your surroundings and think “How will this fart affect this environment and the […]
Read More The Top 5 WORST Places To FartMaybe hell is red becauseof period blood? I get that women can be mean when you get them mad, but worse than anything hell can come up with? That can’t be right. This is a very sexist saying in my opinion. Anyone can act hellish and crazy when they’re “scorned” whatever the hell that means. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 