One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
To poo silently youmust learn the waysof the ninja. Dear McFartnuggets: I was having dinner at my in-laws’ house last week when I had to get up to use the bathroom. Their bathroom was sort of close to the dining room so as I was crapping I could hear them laughing. The sound of my […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Keep People From Hearing Me Take A Crap?”Football is home to theworld’s weirdest names. For some reason people who give birth to football players always name their kid something interesting. 2013 featured the name Barkevious Mingo. Would anyone from 2014 be able to challenge him for the title of most ridiculous name in the NFL? If anyone knows weird names it’s Binkie […]
Read More The Top 10 Weirdest Names From The 2014 NFL DraftMothers tend to enjoyvegetation. With Mother’s Day coming up, a lot of bad people who have forgotten their mother or put off buying a gift have to start scrambling. One of the toughest parts of Mother’s Day is deciding what to buy for a gift. Most people buy gift certificates for spa days, flowers, and […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Mother’s Day GiftsSome people thinkthey’re Patrick Henryup in this bitch. Dear McFartnuggets: I was walking down the sidewalk and some lady walking past me smacked me in the balls by accident because she was talking on her phone and using wild body gestures. Why do people use body language when they talk on the phone? This lady […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Use Body Language When They Talk On The Phone?They’re trying too hard. Sometimes when you’re dancing in the middle of Red Lobster rubbing shrimp scampi against your nipples and everyone’s laughing someone will start booing and say “You’re trying too hard.” This is the problem with America these days. Since when is trying too hard a bad thing? If you’re trying to do […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You’re Trying Too Hard”The cheek is a prettynormal place to kiss. Kissing can be awkward if you don’t know where to do it. Nothing ruins a first date like going in for the kiss and being in the wrong part of the human anatomy. Most of the time people consider it normal to kiss on the mouth or […]
Read More The Top 5 Weirdest Places To Kiss SomeoneHow about you just help me. Sometimes when you’re choking to death on ravioli at Olive Garden and you run up to someone for help they look at you all confused. They ask you “What’s wrong?” You motion to your throat and do the choking gesture and they say “I don’t know what you’re saying! What’s […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Help Me Help You”Herpes strains are like people. They come in all shapes and sizes. When it comes to Herpes most of us know to stay away from the main two: Oral and Genital. What a lot of people don’t know is that you can get Herpes pretty much anywhere on your body and then it becomes its own […]
Read More The Top 5 Most Uncommon Types of HerpesMaybe it just means youwant to be a surgeon… Dear McFartnuggets: I keep having these recurring nightmares every night where there’s a person laying on a bed and I’m cutting their stomach open with a knife and I don’t know why I’m doing this. They’re screaming for me to stop, but I keep cutting into […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is It Normal To Always Dream About Death?”This would be the“wrong way.” If there’s some creepy guy at work that you’ve been having problems with you say “He rubs me the wrong way.” The trouble with this saying is there’s no proper antithesis. There’s no such thing as being “rubbed the right way” by someone. You would never say “Yeah, turns out […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Rubs Me The Wrong Way”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 