One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Long ass hair canbe a hazard. Ass hair is one of the most neglected types of hair on the human body. We trim pretty much every other type of hair except the hair growing around our buttholes. This is of course for a good reason, it’s very dangerous to have scissors that close to your […]
Read More The Top Five Signs Your Ass Hair is Too Damn LongHow do deaf children know whenthe ice cream man is coming? Dear McFartnuggets: There’s this ice cream man who parks his damn truck in front of my house every single day for hours with his “Pop Goes The Weasel” song playing the entire time while kids buy ice cream from him. I’ve asked him politely […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What Can I Do About An Annoying Ice Cream Truck Blasting Music?”Yay! You’re about to die!How fun! They say you should “Live every day like it’s your last” so that you appreciate every moment as if it’s all going to end at any moment. This is horrible advice. A person’s last day on Earth is usually an incredibly sad or even horrifying day (if they’re killed […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Live Every Day Like It’s Your Last”A high five can be a destructive weaponif it’s not deployed properly. Dear McFartnuggets: I like to give a lot of high fives, it’s sort of my thing. Except that sometimes I hold up my hand and the other person either doesn’t see me or doesn’t want to slap my hand so I get left […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Recover From Being Left Hanging From A High Five?”There just aren’t enoughemoticons out there tocover all emotions. Tired of all the same boring emoticons? Or maybe the ones we all use just aren’t good enough to convey a very specific emotion or message. If that’s your problem then check out these emoticons I’ve been using recently in my texts. If you think they’re […]
Read More New Emoticons To Use In Texting Conversations:Avocados are like eggplant peaches made of boogers. Dear McFartnuggets: How come avocados are known as a “superfood” and everyone goes head over heels for them? I can’t stand avocados! They’re all bumpy and weird. The skin tastes terrible! Then you eat it and it’s like some kind of weird fatty vegetable crap that tastes like butter. […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Love Avocados So Much?”Colored contact lenses mustbe stained glass windows. “The eyes are the windows to the soul” is arguably one of the craziest things that people say and believe. I have a serious problem with this saying for a few reasons. First off, it implies that blind people have no souls. Of course that’s not true. Blind […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “The Eyes Are The Windows To The Soul”Please do not tamper withthe smokey chain thing. Dear McFartnuggets: As you well know this past Easter was 4/20 which is Christmas for potheads so it was a very special occasion. In honor of this convergence of these two holidays I went to church before anyone else got there and replaced the incense in the […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Did I Go Too Far With This 4/20 Easter Prank?”In the early 40’s, Charmin came out with a brand new type of toilet paper that people could flush down the toilet. Before then apparently people were wiping their asses with terrycloth towels and while that was a very effective method it led to a great waste of water and electricity when cleaning them.
Read More The First Toilet Paper Commercial Ever MadeThe last thing people want to hear onthe flight data recorder is your singing. Singing in public is always awkward, especially if you can’t carry a tune worth a shit. Of course it’s even worse when you’re on a plane. Most people enjoy a nice quiet flight so they can get some work done, sleep, […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Songs To Sing On An Airplane
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 