Dumbass Sayings: “Watch Your Mouth”

Can women watchtheir mouths easierthan men? When you saw a swear word at your daughter’s PTA meeting or a funeral, usually someone will tell you to “Watch your mouth.” I don’t know how this saying ever caught on. The words you say have nothing to do with your mouth. The things you say come from […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Does Garfield Hate Mondays So Much?”

James A. Garfield probablyhated Mondays too. Dear McFartnuggets: How come Garfield the cat hates Mondays so much? He ain’t got no job he gotta drag his orange ass to every morning. He don’t even like the weekends that much. You never see him out at nightclubs getting crunk and poppin’ Molly grinding on hos. If […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Hit And Run”

No that’s a Hit and RUNS! Sometimes when you’re driving home in a rush because you’re about to shit your pants and you accidentally run over an old lady in the neighborhood and you continue to drive because you really don’t want to have an accident the police call that a “Hit and run.” Why […]

The Top 5 Weirdest Bodily Substances

The human body is afactory for disgusting crap. Despite all the centuries of medical studies, the human body is still very much a mystery even to the people who have one. Our bodies never cease to amaze and sicken us. One of the more disturbing things about the human body is the various substances and […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Time On Your Hands”

If you’ve got time on your handsjust masturbate. Then later youcan wash the time off. Sometimes when people see the life sized replicas of your neighbors that you made out of their pubic hair that you’ve gathered over the course of a decade from their home when they weren’t there, they say “Boy, someone’s got […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Is The Blood Moon When The Moon Has Its Period?”

There’s no such thing as aMoon vagina. Dear McFartnuggets: I see on the news the blood moon is happening. What is happening here? Is the Moon having its period? Does this mean that the Man in the Moon was really a woman this whole time? — Chester from Dallas, Texas Dear Chester: No, despite what […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Give It 110 Percent”

When you think about itpercent is just two eggs witha wall between them. We all know this is one of the dumbest things anyone can possibly say because it’s impossible to give more than 100%. Just the idea of giving particular percentages of effort is insane. That’s not even a real thing. You can’t give […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “What Is The Hardest Job To Do On Earth?”

Child laborers don’t know whatit’s like to be a mother. Dear McFartnuggets: A lot of people think that the hardest job on Earth is being a mother because it requires pushing a bowling ball out of your vagina and working 24 hours a day for no pay. I also think being a child laborer in […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Talk To The Hand”

You can talk to the fistwhen it’s rammed downyour throat. When you’re asking a lady out to a dinner date sometimes she will stick her palm directly into your face and say “Talk to the hand because the face doesn’t want to hear it.” But then when you proceed to ask her hand out on […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Speed Kills”

Some people tend to believe this idea that speed kills people. It’s so easy to blame speed. It’s not the bullets that kill people, or the people shooting the gun, it’s the speed at which the bullets are traveling, right? Give me a break! Maybe we should have background checks for everyone who wants to […]

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