Dumbass Sayings: “Girlfriend” and “Boyfriend”

You never know when you’retalking to a lesbian pimpette. The terms “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” are really outdated in today’s world. Someone you’re dating is technically a “friend”, but it’s a different kind of friendship. It’s different enough that it should need more of a distinguisher than the gender of the person before the word “friend.” […]

The Top 5 Worst Foods To Competitively Eat

Why do the Nathan’s hot dog eatersget to use their hands? When it comes to competitive eating, usually any food is fair game. Competitive eaters participate in contests where they eat things like potato salad, oysters, and even bull testicles. There are however some foods that should definitely not be used for a competitive eating […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Clean Freak”

THIS is a freak. A “clean freak” or “neat freak” is someone who takes extra measures to be clean that seem excessive to average people. How can you be a “freak” if you’re clean? This is a complete misnomer. Someone who’s completely covered in filth should be labeled a “freak”, but “dirty freak” isn’t a […]

The Top 5 Ways To Tell People They’re Talking Too Loud On The Phone

Take it down a notch, bitch! There’s not much in the world more annoying than having someone near you talking way too loud on their phone. They’re so self absorbed they can’t recognize the fact that they’re bothering people around them. Maybe they never learned what socially acceptable public talking volume is. It’s always good […]

Dumbass Saying: "Cut The Cheese"

If your cheese smells like air shit,don’t eat it. Sometimes farting is called “cutting the cheese” and I only have one question. What kind of Goddamn cheese are you eating that tt smells like farts out of a human ass? Who was the first guy who smelled cheese and legitimately thought someone had sliced into […]

Ask McFartnuggets: "Should I Poop Before A Prostate Exam?"

“Hey doc, is it weird that mydick is inside my body?” Dear McFartnuggets: I’m getting a prostate exam next week and I’ve never had one before. All I know is a guy is gonna stick his fist up my ass. Do I poop before this happens? I don’t want the guy to get shit all […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Hurts Doughnut”

If all donuts were HurtsDonuts I think we’d seeAmerica’s obesity epidemicease up a bit. There’s a popular game people like to play at work where they ask you if you want a “Hurts Doughnut.” When you say “Sure, I like doughnuts,” they proceed to punch you in the throat and say “Hurts Don’t It?” but […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “MFK: Betty White, Santa Claus, And Geoffrey The Toys R Us Giraffe”

Could Betty White be thereal Mrs. Claus? Dear McFartnuggets: Betty White, Santa Claus, and Geoffrey the Toys R Us Giraffe. You have to marry one, fuck one and kill one. What do you do? — Catherine from Rhode Island Dear Catherine: Okay I think this is an easy one for a change. Clearly I can’t […]

Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Does Alcohol Burn My Testicles?"

It doesn’t say“Do not apply to nutsack”but it should. It really should. Dear McFartnuggets: Why does rubbing alcohol make my testicles burn so much? — Kevin from Mississippi Dear Kevin: Yeah you should never put alcohol on your balls. Ball skin is very tender. Despite the fact it’s holding very fragile contents, the human nutsack […]

Dumbass Sayings: "Elbow Grease"

If you have this coming outof your elbows when you work, see a doctor immediately. When someone says “Give it some elbow grease” they mean work harder. Somehow this became a saying despite the fact that elbow grease is not a real thing, to my knowledge. It should be. One of the main negatives about elbows is […]

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