One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dessert is also a good datetrick. You can’t leave!We haven’t stuffed ourselveswith pie yet! Dear McFartnuggets: How come dessert is a thing? Why do people need sweet food after dinner? — Randy from Richmond, Virginia Dear Randy: Dessert is clearly a scam by restaurants to sell people an extra course and to give pastry chefs a […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do People Eat Dessert?"You shouldn’t be holding candles toanything unless you’re a pyromaniac.And even then, no. When people are comparing two things sometimes they’ll say one of the things “Can’t hold a candle” to the other. For example someone might say: “Hanukkah can’t hold a candle to Christmas.” What the hell is this business of holding candles up […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Can’t Hold A Candle To”Gee, this is a tough one! Dear McFartnuggets: If you went into a room with Andre The Giant, Adolf Hitler, and a bag of razor blades and you had to marry one, have sex with one, and kill one, what would you do? — Catherine from Rhode Island Dear Catherine: You must really like this […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "MFK: Andre The Giant, Adolf Hitler, A Bag of Razor Blades"Most super old people endup feeling like babies. Thatdoesn’t make them young. A very popular saying with old people is “You’re only as old as you feel!” Well that’s a load of horse crap. If this was true then it could be legal to marry a child who felt 30-years-old but thank god that’s not […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "You’re Only As Old As You Feel"Most things about the human body are disgusting, but the most disgusting of the disgusting is fluids. Fluids are gross because they can travel from one person to the next quite easily. It’s like bodily fluids are rings for ring toss and every opening on your body is a stick in the ground. When someone […]
Read More The Top 5 Most Disgusting Bodily FluidsWhen was the last timeyou saw a man gazinginto a crystal ball? Dear McFartnuggets: My wife is always talking about her “woman’s intuition.” She thinks whenever she gets a feeling about something she’s always right. The weird thing is most of the time she is. Is a woman’s intuition a real thing? — Bernard from […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets "Is Women’s Intuition Real?"Some things really do gowithout saying. Sometimes people say dumb stuff like “It goes without saying, but please don’t have sex with my dog while I’m on vacation.” Umm… If it goes without saying then why did you just say it? Obviously you know I’m not going to sleep with your dog and you know […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Goes Without Saying"I was writing my memoirs the other day in Google Drive when I noticed a red squiggly spelling error. When I right clicked I was shocked to see that I had been spelling this particular word wrong my entire life. Either Google is secretly run by internet cats or I can’t spell the word “Cheeseburger” […]
Read More The One Word You’re Always Misspelling And You Don’t Even Know ItMaybe squeaking is just thegreen bean’s way of screamingbefore it’s eaten. Ask McFartnuggets: I’m an obese man who’s been trying to eat more healthy as of late and I love green beans. The only problem is when I eat the beans they make a loud squeaking sound in my mouth that makes me cringe and […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do Green Beans Squeak Against My Teeth?"People should have to dress up like this before they say “Touche.”Then we’d see how popular it isto make pretend you’re an olde tyme fencer. When someone calls your mother a slut for showing cleavage and you point out the fact their mother once literally worked as a prostitute they will often times reply with the […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Touche"
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 