One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
How well can you really trustanother person’s hand? Shaking someone’s hand is a fairly universal greeting in today’s world. It’s something people do without giving it much thought and that’s for a good reason. When you really think about it there’s a lot of gross things about holding a stranger’s hand and shaking it. Think […]
Read More The Top 5 Reasons To NOT Shake Someone’s HandWhat’s so crazy about this?It’s a blue nutsack filled withbananas. Big deal. Somewhere along the line the word “bananas” became synonymous with “crazy.” What is so crazy about bananas? They’re yellow, they look kinda like alien dicks, and they have a peel you can easily remove. What is so crazy about that? Is potassium crazy? […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Bananas”In life, you have to be prepared for the occasional bear. A guy named Tom Cochrane once said “Life is a highway” and “I want to drive it all night long.” While life can be seen as a drive, comparing it to a highway is a little strange. Driving on a highway isn’t that much fun. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Life Is A Highway"Oh look, the Independence Day aliens. Dear McFartnuggets: How come it’s so common for weathermen to tell you it’s going to rain or snow and then it doesn’t? Why are they wrong so often? — Percy from Philly Dear Percy: Weather prediction is an inexact science. In a way they’re always guessing. The problem is whenever […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Are Weather Forecasts Wrong So Often?"Orphanages aren’t as fun as the movie “Annie” makes them look. Dear McFartnuggets: Last week my teenage son brought a dead swordfish to school and got suspended for possession of a deadly weapon. If this was the first time he’d acted up I.would be able.to overlook it, but he’s a consistent pain I am getting sick […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Can I Give My Teenage Child Up For Adoption?"Are you saying that as you,or your demonic alter-ego? Sometimes to cap off a sentence a person will say “If I do say so myself.” This is a completely redundant useless thing to say. For example someone might say: “Those stuffed lamb chops gave me horrible ass lava, if I do say so.myself!” If you […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "If I Do Say So Myself"Sometimes you need to use aflavor injector enema to defeatconstipation. Dear McFartnuggets: What’s the Guinness world record for the longest time gone without pooping? What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without pooping?– Jan from Tacoma, Washington Dear Jan: Unfortunately there’s no officially recognized Guinness world record for constipation length. I’m not sure why, clearly holding […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "What’s The Longest Time You Can Go Without Pooping?"Don’t book a vacation withoutdoing a little research first. When it comes to naming American cities the only thing worse than repeating the same name in different states is giving a misleading name. The name of a city shouldn’t have to give you a description of the place, but it damn sure shouldn’t trick you […]
Read More The Top 5 Most Misleading American City NamesMaybe if more turkeys beggedwe’d be able to pardon more than one per year. This is an old fashioned phrase that’s slowly fading out of existence and rightfully so. It’s just too formal and weird to exist in today’s fast paced world. If you say “I beg your pardon” it usually means “excuse me.” It should […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "I Beg Your Pardon"If you join the army it shouldbe to wear awesome hats. Notbecause you’re suicidal. Dear McFartnuggets: How come suicidal people don’t join the army? I know if I wished to die I’d rather die fighting for my country than in a bathtub or by jumping off a bridge. Why don’t more people make that decision? […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Don’t Suicidal People Join The Army?"
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 