One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Never tell a diabetic person they’retaking their sweet time. Whenever someone takes a long time to do something they say they’re “taking their sweet time.” Does anyone even bother thinking about what this means or why it means that? Sweet time? Time is a concept. Unless you’re some kind of weird new X-Men member or […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: "Taking Sweet Time"Try showing them an old creepypicture of a lady with her fingerover her mouth. Dear McFartnuggets: There’s a guy at work who always tries making conversation with me and whenever I try to humor him he ends up talking non-stop until I can’t take it anymore and I hide in the ladies room. I don’t […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "How Can I Politely Tell Someone To Shut The F Up?"“Jizzundheit!” Dear McFartnuggets: Usually when someone sneezes another person will say “God bless you.” So how come when I sneeze in my pants people never say “God bless you”? Instead they get all scared and run away. — Pablo from Denver Dear Pablo: Fortunately, sneezing in your pants is not as common as sneezing from […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "How Come No One Says God Bless You When I Sneeze In My Pants?"Love is in the air! Wait, no that’sAgent Orange. Some people say “Love is a battlefield” but this is totally incorrect. If love really were a battlefield then no one.would ever get arrested for domestic violence. If you think love is a battlefield then you’re probably doing it wrong. There’s no scenario in love where […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Love Is A Battlefield"Never hold a revolving door for someone. Dear McFartnuggets: I was walking into a Starbucks today when a man entering ahead of me held the door open for me. The problem is, I too am a man. I was very confused by this and I went through anyway and thanked him. Once I got inside I […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do Some Men Hold The Door Open For Other Guys?"Oh look, it’s titsucking day! When someone says “Every dog has its day” it’s supposed to mean no matter how bad a person’s life is there’ll be one day where good things will happen to them. This saying is completely fabricated nonsense. Where does it say that every dog has one day of fun mandatory […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Every Dog Has Its Day"Dealing with loud assholes ispart of the communal experience. Dear McFartnuggets: How come movie theaters don’t have headphones at each seat to offer full personal audio? If that were available then no one would ever be annoyed by other moviegoers. If you wanted to talk you could just watch the film like usual and if […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Don’t Movie Theaters Have Headphones?"When you’re really obsessed with an individual usually a few days before the police intervene you’ll hear people remark that you’re “head over heels” for that person. The problem is, when are you NOT head over heels? Unless you have a serious physical condition where your head is positioned permanently below your feet then you’re […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Head Over Heels"Old ladies only eat childrenin German folklore. Dear McFartnuggets: I saw a news story recently about a really old lady who sits at her front window and waves at children every single day on their way to and from school. The school actually had an event that celebrated her and they all cherish her in […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "How Come An Elderly Lady Can Wave At Schoolkids And An Elderly Man Can’t?"Maybe if people who lied werekilled by a lady with a swordholding a scale we wouldn’t needthis oath nonsense. In court when a witness is sworn in they’re forced to promise to tell “The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help them god” otherwise known as “the truth”. Do we really […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth So Help You God"
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 