One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Sometimes when you’re staring at someone at Starbucks for a really long time they’ll close their laptop and say “What are you looking at?!” What am I looking at? Apparently I’m looking at someone who doesn’t know what they are. Are they asking me or are they asking themselves? People should be saying “Who are […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “What Are You Looking At?”In almost all instances, the male version of sports are the ones people want to pay to see. This can be attributed to an increase in speed, size, strength, and overall skill level as it relates to the manipulation of balls. However, there are some sports where the women’s version is actually much more entertaining […]
Read More The Top 5 Women’s Sports That Are Better Than The Men’s VersionDear McFartnuggets: I was just wondering what do you think the best place to aim when you pee is? When I aim straight for the center it always kicks up piss mist that splatters onto the seat which my grandmother complains about, but if I aim for the side of the bowl to get the […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Where’s The Best Place to Aim When You Pee?”Sometimes when you’re at the club and a woman you don’t remember ever seeing before says you slept together. She shows you a clit pic and says “Does this ring any bells?!” Ringing bells? How is that phrase supposed to make any sense? Are memories a series of hollow, cup-shaped metal objects? What is my […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Does That Ring Any Bells?”Whenever you hear someone at a garage sale complaining about the price of a used dildo they scream “EIGHT DOLLARS???!!! THIS IS HIGHWAY ROBBERY!” Right, because that’s a thing. When was the last time you heard of someone getting robbed on the highway? If highway robbery was a realistic threat then people would keep guns […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Highway Robbery”Dear McFartnuggets: I read that airplanes have those oxygen masks that drop from the ceiling because if they didn’t people would lose oxygen and lose consciousness. What I wanna ask is why is that such a bad thing? If my plane is crashing I think that’s a moment I’d like to be unconscious for. Why […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Airplanes Really Have Oxygen Masks Drop From The Ceiling?”One of the most famous sayings in the world of sales is “Sell the sizzle, not the steak.” This is really weird advice that doesn’t actually work. First off, how many steak salesmen are there? Even if there was a steak salesman I’m pretty sure they would sell the actual steak. How the hell would […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Sell The Sizzle, Not The Steak”Dear McFartnuggets: People are always telling me life is a gift so does that mean when someone commits suicide they’re regifting it? Maybe they’re not depressed maybe they’re just being thrifty. — Lou from Dover, Delaware Dear Lou: No, regifting it would actually be a better thing to do with the gift of life. If you […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Life is a Gift Then is Suicide Like Regifting?”In the 1954 song “In Other Words” written by Kaye Ballard and Bart Howard, the singer says “Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.” The song is sung from the perspective of one person talking to another person that they love. You can tell this was written before people had any […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “Let Me See What Spring is Like on Jupiter and Mars”Sometimes when you remind your girlfriend she has to get an abortion she says “Sorry I forgot I’ll do it tomorrow. You know how much of a procrastinator I am!” Before you know it she keeps putting it off and putting it off until her water breaks and it’s too late. That’s when you realize […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Procrastination”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 