How To Be Drunk At Work Without Anyone Noticing

Anyone who’s ever been an alcoholic knows that the best time to be drunk is at work. There are so many benefits. It makes boring jobs fun and by the time you sober up it’s usually time to go home and it’s like you were never even there. The trick of course is to keep […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Skydivers Wear a Helmet?”

Dear McFartnuggets: Why do skydivers wear a helmet when they jump? Whenever I see a skydiver I’m like really? A helmet? Why not wear a protective cup and shin guards while you’re at it you moron! If you fall and that parachute doesn’t open you could be in a tank your ass is still probably […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Rest in Peace”

When someone dies people usually tell them to “Rest in peace.” This is an odd thing to say. Assuming they get the message, it’s a little redundant. You can’t rest in chaos. Resting implies peace. And who are you to tell a dead person’s spirit what to do? If they want to fly around all […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Can I Get HIV From Drinking Vomit?”

Dear McFartnuggets: I was just wondering is it possible to get HIV from drinking someone’s vomit? I’m not asking for myself. I’m just curious. I can’t find any information on this! Please answer quickly. — Sammy from Chicago Dear Sammy: According to the Center for Disease Control there are only six fluids that HIV can […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Costing an Arm and a Leg”

Sometimes you’re in the Walmart waiting on line and the old lady in front of you is ranting saying “Ten dollars for a box of tampons?! This is costing me an arm and a leg!” For some reason expensive things are said to “cost an arm and a leg” but how come nothing ever just […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “What is That Clicking Sound People Do When They Wink?”

Dear McFartnuggets: You know how sometimes when people wink they make a weird clicking sound with their tongue and sometimes also make a finger gun at you? What the hell is that? Where did that start? Does that even have a name? What is that supposed to mean when someone does that? Who the hell […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do My Nipples Get Hard When It’s Cold?”

Dear McFartnuggets: Heyo, how come nipples get hard in the cold? What is that? Why does this need to happen? I don’t get it. It’s very annoying every time I accidentally bump into someone at work when the AC is on and their sharp tits stab into me. Is this really necessary? — D-Train from […]

Dumbass Sayings: “The Night is Still Young”

Sometimes you’re at the club dancing with a really tall lady and one of your friends says “I think that’s a dude” and as you go to leave, you hear a deep voice yell “Where are you going? The night is still young!” Why does the night’s age matter? What kind of pervert can only […]

The Top 5 Differences Between Babies and Elderly People

As we all know there are numerous similarities between babies and elderly people. The similarities like how they both shit their pants and have very little hair are all part of the cycle of life here on Earth. There are however a few key differences between babies and anti-babies aka elderly people. Here are the […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Something Smells Fishy”

Sometimes when a pair of detectives are searching your house and they find nothing, one of them turns and says “Something still smells fishy… This isn’t over.” They mean to say something’s suspicious, but why is a fishy smell suspicious? If something smells like fish it’s either one of two things, FISH or a woman’s […]

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