One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: I heard that if a woman listens to Mozart when she’s pregnant it will make the baby smarter so what if we listen to Mozart during sex? Will that make the baby SUPER smarter since it gets a head start? — Patricia from Lafayette, Georgia Dear Patricia: No studies have conclusively shown that […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Will Listening to Mozart During Sex Make The Baby Smarter?”Sometimes people say things like “I hope and pray you get your shit together one day because the way you’re living is just sad.” Hope and pray? That’s a little redundant don’t you think? Those two actions are technically the same thing. Praying is hoping to god or some other deity that something will happen. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Hope and Pray”Whether you’re stumbling wasted into a tattoo parlor thinking they’re circus face painters or getting held down by a bunch of prison inmates, what’s almost more important than what you’re getting tattooed on your body is where you’re getting it tattooed. Some people think the worst place you can get a tattoo is on your […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Places on Your Body to Get a TattooDear McFartnuggets: How come the Caveman Diet is so popular, but you never hear of anyone on the Jesus Diet? Jesus was in pretty top physical condition. Had it not been for the crucifixion there’s really no telling how long he would have lived! As the son of God you’d think more people would be […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t More People Go on The Jesus Diet?”Sometimes when you try to confront James at work for mocking the mentally challenged Seamless delivery guy he says “Me? I don’t have a mean bone in my body!” No of course you don’t. No one has a “mean bone” in their body. Bones don’t have thoughts and therefore can’t be rude or inconsiderate of […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I Don’t Have a Mean Bone in My Body!”Dove has a new slogan “Care makes a man stronger” to promote their male hygiene products. What kind of nonsense horsecrap lie is this! Who honestly believes the sentence “Care makes a man stronger”? Let’s say you abduct two adult male twins, you put one in a cabin in the woods and let him live […]
Read More Dumbass Slogans: “Care Makes a Man Stronger”If you’re like me then you know nothing ruins a vacation, family BBQ, or wedding quite like having lots of ass pimples. Ass acne or “Assne” as it’s referred to in the medical community, is a pesky problem that can escalate into a serious quality of life altering malady. It’s important to get a stranglehold […]
Read More Five Easy Ways To Get Get Rid of and Prevent Ass PimplesSometimes when the son you forgot you had tracks you down fifteen years later he says “You put me in a dumpster and left me for dead!” Left you for dead? Is that proper English? I think you mean “left to die.” Why would anyone say “left for dead” when they could just say “left […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Left For Dead”Dear McFartnuggets: When a plane crashes they always try to find the black boxes that tell them what happened on the plane before it crashed. The black boxes can survive a crash so why how then they don’t just make the whole planes out of what the black boxes are made out of? — Yvonie […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t They Make Planes Out of the Black Box Material?”Sometimes when you’re discussing ground rules before a big orgy you get into a dispute with another orgy participant about what’s gonna go down. She says “I’m sorry one of us is going to have to leave. We’re just not seeing eye-to-eye here! I don’t do that! I’m allergic to tomato paste!” Of course we’re […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Seeing Eye To Eye”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 