One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Sometimes when you run into an old blind friend you say “Long time no see” and he says “Yeah tell me about it…” I don’t know what it is about seeing someone you haven’t seen in a few years that turns people into cavemen all of a sudden. Why don’t people just continue this type […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Long Time No See”Dear McFartnuggets: I’ve heard that right after someone dies they lose 21 grams of mass. Is this proof that people have souls and the human soul weighs 21 grams? — Pookie from Inglewood, California Dear Pookie: Of course we all lose weight shortly after we die. The human body purges all of its waste and […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Lose 21 Grams of Mass After They Die?”Dear McFartnuggets: A police officer in my town died yesterday and they brought the flag at town hall down to half-mast. Why do people put flags at half mast after a tragedy or someone dying? If it’s a show of respect to lower the flag then why not lower it all the way to the […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Put a Flag at Half Mast After a Tragedy? Why Not Lower?”One of the most popular and overused sayings in human society today is “Thank you.” Whether someone saves you from drowning when you pass out in their Jacuzzi or an old lady holds a door open for you, you’re supposed to say the same thing: “Thank you.” The problem I have with this saying is […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Thank You”Dear McFartnuggets: How come people’s lucky numbers are only one or two digits like 7 or 11 or 21? You would think maybe occasionally someone’s lucky number would be 143 or 5,456. Does luck run out of numbers the more decimal places are added? — Vontae from Port St. Lucie, Florida Dear Vontae:Numbers in and […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Are Lucky Numbers Always Only One or Two Digits?"Whenever the news releases a 9-1-1 call they always refer to it as “a chilling 9-1-1 phone call.” What about listening to someone call the police is “chilling”? If these were really chilling calls then I could listen to them in the middle of summer instead of having my air conditioner on and save money […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Chilling Audio”Dear McFartnuggets: My friend Rodney always comes to my parties and gets completely hammered. I always make sure to take car keys from people at the door, but Rodney rides a skateboard to my place. After the party he always skates off all goofy like he’s about to crash into a ditch. So far he’s […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "How Can I Help a Drunk Friend Get Home When He Skateboarded to the Party?"Sometimes when you’re drunk at work and accidentally trip over a coworker’s child on “Take your kid to work day” people are like “Are you okay?” What kind of question is that, of course I’m okay. This is one of the most overused, pointless phrases in the English language. It’s really just a polite obligation. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Are You Okay?”Dear McFartnuggets: Considering how many children are transgender these days how come when someone has a new baby they send out baby shower invites that say “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” That’s a little presumptuous wouldn’t you say? Shouldn’t the politically correct baby shower invite say “It was born with a penis!” or […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do People Still Say ‘It’s a Boy’ or ‘It’s a Girl’?"Sometimes you’ll get a call from your ex-wife and she says “I’ve been trapped in a dangerous forest by Mexican elves, and I’m in a bit of a pickle here!” You know right away she’s probably on a bad drug trip and just wandered into the gardening section at Lowe’s again, that bitch has problems, […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "I’m in a Bit of a Pickle!"
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 