One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: When I was walking home from work the other day I was mugged by a homeless crackhead. He didn’t hurt me he just showed me a shank and said “Gimme dat money, fella!” I’m paraphrasing, I was too afraid to remember what he said exactly. Of course I handed over the contents of […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Does Getting Mugged Count as Charity?”When someone is making an impassioned eulogy at their grandfather-in-law’s funeral people say “There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.” Yeah I’d hope not. Eyes need constant moisture. Even when you’re not crying your eyeballs should never be 100% dry. There has to be some form of fluid on those puppies otherwise they might […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Not a Dry Eye in the House"It’s amazing how this company survived after all the lawsuits from people who had unknowingly been ingesting horse batter. On the bright side, many of them reported feeling very fleet of foot and experienced a curious vigor after drinking the eggnog. Those who really enjoyed this were disheartened to learn the recipe was changed. It […]
Read More Nauseating Eggnog Commercial From Old TimesDear McFartnuggets: My young nephew is blind and I was wondering what kinds of role models can have a blind kid have? Automatically I would think of Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles and Daredevil from Marvel Comics, but how can a blind kid know they’re blind without seeing that they’re blind? Don’t they just have […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Do Blind Children Have Enough Role Models?”Sometimes when you’re hitting on middle aged women at TGIFriday’s one of them will say “I’m old enough to be your mother.” I don’t know how this ever became a popular phrase. This doesn’t make sense because the world record for youngest birth belongs to Lina Medina of Peru. In 1939 she gave birth to […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I’m Old Enough to Be Your Mother”The thing about being homeless is if you’re a certain type of person it’s literally never going to happen to you. Well, it might happen, but it certainly won’t last very long if you’re one of these kinds of people: 5. Inuits The great thing about being an Inuit is you can never be homeless. […]
Read More The Top 5 Kinds of People That Are Never HomelessUsually this time of year you hear weathermen on the news say “Today might be in the 70’s but winter isn’t over so don’t put your jackets away just yet!” This is a really odd cliche. What does putting your jacket away mean? Putting it in the closet? Why can’t I put my jacket in […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Don’t Put Your Jackets Away Just Yet!”As the times change, so do the names we give to babies. The interesting thing about baby names these days is that you can name a baby boy whatever you want. Even if it’s a very old fashioned name it’ll just turn him into a hipster some day, he can grow a handlebar mustache and […]
Read More The Top 25 Names You Shouldn’t Give To Baby Girls AnymoreDear McFartnuggets: I’m totally for wage equality for women. I want there to be a day when women make as much as men do, but that looks like that might never happen. Wouldn’t it then be easier to cut the salaries of men so that they get paid the same as women? Then we have wage […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Women Can’t Get Paid as Much as Men Why Not Just Lower Wages For Men?”Analingus or the act of “eating ass” is frequently referred to “tossing salad” and I never understood this. What type of salads are people eating that make them connect these two things? I know Wendy’s makes a lot of weird salads these days, but I don’t think anything should ever resemble a human rectum. Plus, […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Tossing Salad”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 