One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: I’m thinking about becoming an alcoholic, but I don’t want to have hangovers. In your expert opinion, which types of alcohol give the worst hangovers? — Dia from Syracuse, New York Dear Dia: Right off the bat, I would highly advise you do not become an alcoholic. It’s not really something you can […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What Type of Alcohol Gives The Worst Hangovers?”Every year sometime around March we take one hour out of our lives and put that into Daylight Savings. Then approximately eight months later in November we take that hour back out of savings and put it back into our day. A lot of people think this is stupid and it should stop. I don’t […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Daylight Savings”I’m sure everyone is familiar with the act of inserting a gerbil (preferably living) into one’s anus to produce a unique, invigorating sensation. I can’t say I’m an expert at this, but I do know it’s called gerbiling for a reason. There are just certain animals you never want to use as substitutes for a […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Animals To Use For GerbilingDear McFartnuggets: Yo, why it is that dick shaped meats like hot dogs, sausages, knockwurst, bratwurst, cocktail weenies got so many different names and meatballs are only called meatballs? If meatballs are called meatballs shouldn’t hot dogs and all dem just be called meatcylinders? — Tyron from Riverside, California Dear Tyron: I see what you’re […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Meatballs Are Called Meatballs Shouldn’t Hot Dogs Be Called Meatcylinders?”Sometimes you hear a guy at the bar talk about the time he was arrested and the police gave him “the business end” of a broom. People say “the business end” of things like “business” is all about penetrating the human body. What kind of business is that? Depending on what your activity is, either […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “The Business End”Dear McFartnuggets: Now that they’re making an all-female version of the “Ghostbusters” I was wondering about other movies they could remake with women as the main characters. Do you think there could be a female version of “Mrs. Doubtfire”? — Leona from Santa Barbara, California Dear Leona: That’s an interesting question. By a female Mrs. […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Could There Be a Female Version of Mrs. Doubtfire?”The great philosopher Yoda once said “Do or do not, there is no try.” At first this sounds like a nice motivational phrase, but when you really think about it, it doesn’t make much practical sense. For example, whoever truly believes this saying and lives by it must have a lot of poorly fitting pants […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Do or Do Not, There is No Try”Dear McFartnuggets: My grandma passed on last Wednesday and in her will she left me all her clothes. She had some really nice dresses and expensive coats and naturally she left behind underwear. I will wear the dresses and coats no problem, but what about the underwear? I don’t think I feel comfortable taking those […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Weird to Wear My Dead Grandma’s Underpants?”“Lean in” has allegedly been used as a sports term meaning “to shift one’s body weight toward someone or something.” Since then, the COO of Facebook, Sheryl Sandberg has used it as a female empowerment slogan. I don’t think this is an effective phrase because I doubt anyone knows what “lean in” actually means. This […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Lean In”Dear McFartnuggets: I was breastfeeding my 12-month old Nathaniel on the subway when I heard a voice say “Yo ma, lemme get at that breast milks…” I looked over to see it was a homeless man with plastic shopping bags on his feet. I was going to entirely ignore him but then he started saying “Please […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Really That Weird to Breastfeed Homeless People?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 