One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
When you give someone a gift sometimes they say “You shouldn’t have.” This is a really rude thing to say to someone. It basically translates to “Why did you do this?” When people say “You shouldn’t have” you can tell they don’t really want the gift. The way you can tell is because when a […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “You Shouldn’t Have”Dear McFartnuggets: It seems like whatever store you go into there’s always an elderly person arguing at a cash register over a penny difference in a price with their expired coupons and wasting everyone’s time. Why do these elderly people do this? Don’t they realize they’re elderly? I wanna go up and say “Ma’am you […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Elderly People Waste So Much Time?”Sprite soft drink’s slogan is “Obey your thirst.” That’s pretty general advice. You really don’t have a choice when it comes to obeying your thirst. Either you obey it and you drink fluids or you don’t and die of dehydration. “Obey your thirst” is a different and unique way of saying something that has never […]
Read More Dumbass Slogans: “Obey Your Thirst”Dear McFartnuggets: I live a pretty decent life, I have a great job, a loving husband, and a family that adores me. The only thing I haven’t figured out is how to stop getting skidmarks on my underpants. I know I should wipe better, but I have a very sensitive craphole so rubbing it too hard […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Stop Getting Skidmarks on My Underpants?Sometimes a young person will come up to you on the sidewalk and say “Yo, man lemme get a dollar so I can pay for something to eat, no hobo.” People think that by simply saying the phrase “no hobo” after a sentence it doesn’t matter how homeless what they just said sounded they should […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “No Hobo”Sometimes when you pay all your car insurance bills on time you consider yourself “The poster child of paying car insurance payments on time.” How did “poster child” become a term that people use? Think about that. What is a “poster child” exactly? I would assume that it’s a child on a poster, which begs […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Poster Child”Dear McFartnuggets: Why is it they call underwears “underpants” when it’s clearly just one piece of cloth. I can understand when people use the word “pants” to describe a single pair of pants because it’s a pair of pant legs so when they’re attached you call those “pants.” Underpants ain’t like that though so why […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do They Call Them Underpants?”In this commercial a woman actually throws the product they’re advertising in the garbage. Then sexistly, she misses the throw and winds up damn near killing a random Hispanic man.
Read More Wacko Banned Toothpaste Commercial From YesteryearSometimes when the old lady receptionist at work accidentally walks in on you masturbating in the stairwell she screams “Heavens to Betsy!” What kind of thing is this to say? What does that even mean? You’re establishing a communication between heaven and a woman named Betsy? Who is Betsy? Betsy Ross? Meanwhile “Betsy” is thinking, […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Heavens To Betsy"Dear McFartnuggets: Everyone’s talking about this movie “Boyhood” where the director Richard Linklater filmed a boy over the course of 12 years to show the story of a kid growing up. Why is that interesting to anyone? I have nephews I could give a rat’s ass about and those are real people going through real […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Would Anyone Watch That ‘Boyhood’ Movie?
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 