One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Caffeine is arguably the most popular drug on Earth and it’s also one of the most morally acceptable. Because of this it’s rather easy to become addicted and not know it. Here are the top 5 signs you’re addicted to caffeine and might have a drug problem: 5. You snort crushed up caffeine pills. When […]
Read More The Top 5 Signs You’re Addicted To CaffeineDear McFartnuggets: I want to know the answer to the classic question “What came first, the chicken or the egg? Thank you in advance! — Neil from Albequerque, New Mexico Dear Neil: This is a question that has confounded mankind for a very long time. Fortunately there’s a very easy answer to it and that […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Which Came First The Chicken or The Egg?”Sometimes people at work say “The boss’ son is coming in today, just be careful not to look at him funny, he’s a burn victim.” What kind of horsecrap term is that? These people aren’t “victims” they’re survivors. You wouldn’t call someone who was attacked by a great white shark and lived a “Shark victim.” […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Burn Victim”Dear McFartnuggets: How come when a sports team is really bad and losing all their games you see fans in the crowd wearing paper bags over their heads with the eyeholes cut out? What’s the point of that? If the team is that bad and you don’t want anyone to see you’re there why even […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Fans of Bad Sports Teams Wear Paper Bags Over Their Heads?”Sometimes when you’re held hostage in a bank robbery the robbers will barricade the entrance. When the cops attempt to enter to rescue everyone, a robber will grab you by the neck and press you up against the front window with a gun to your head and screams “I’LL DO IT! I’LL FREAKING DOO ITTTT!” […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Stand Down”One of the most popular sayings with the youth these days is “Pics or it didn’t happen!” Usually people say this when someone makes a tremendous claim or tells an amazing story that is otherwise unbelievable without photographic proof. It’s a nice way to verify that someone’s actually telling the truth because of course you […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Times To Say “Pics or It Didn’t Happen!”Sometimes when you’re out drinking one thing leads to another, you steal a police horse, hit your head on a steel beam and the horse brings your unconscious body into the police precinct. You wake up and one of the sheriffs says “Heh heh! Well I guess this boy found out too much of anything […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Too Much of Anything is a Bad Thing”Dear McFartnuggets: I see kids all the time running loose in stores screaming and throwing things and incredibly the parents just let them go do that! Why don’t more parents put their kids on dog leashes? Just put the leash around their neck and walk them around like a dog. If they start running off […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t All Parents Keep Their Children on Leashes?”When someone calls me up and says “I’m in a tough situation right now, man. I need a solid!” I usually reply “Wow, I had no idea you were struggling with diarrhea. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it clears up and you do get a solid. I recommend consuming large quantities of fiber. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “I Need a Solid”Dear McFartnuggets: I was building a birdhouse and I accidentally hit my thumb with a hammer. It hurt a lot and then the whole fingernail started turning black. After a few days the whole thing fell off! Why did this happen? I don’t get why this would happen. — Charles from Newark, New Jersey Dear […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Did My Fingernail Turn Black and Fall Off?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 