One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: My girlfriend walked in on me peeing while sitting down the other night and now she wants to end our relationship. She says I’m gay and not a real man because I pee sitting down and I explained to her that there are many men who do this. Not only that, but many […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Does Sitting Down To Pee Make Me Less of a Man?”Whenever a sports team wins a championship and their fans riot in celebration, torching cars, and smashing store windows one of the most commonly screamed phrases is “Let’s go! LET’S GOOOOOOO!!!” Okay… Let’s go where? Where are we going? Why do people say this? Think about it. What the hell does “Let’s go” actually mean? […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Let’s Go!”Dear McFartnuggets: Saturday Night Live just did a 40th anniversary spectacular where they had cast members and hosts from all forty years of their history perform to honor the show’s great history. My question is why would they do this for the 40th anniversary when they’re so close to the 50th anniversary? Isn’t 50 a […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Did SNL Make Such a Big Deal About Their 40th Anniversary?”Dear McFartnuggets: People tell me that men are from Mars and women are from Venus which all makes sense but then I thought well where do hermaphrodites come from? Do they come from Mars or Venus too? Does anyone have the answer to this mystery? — Belinda from Manchester, UK Dear Belinda: Obviously hermaphrodites hail […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus, Where Are Hermaphrodites From?”One of the most frequent question I have people ask me is “Are my pubes too long?” and they include a disturbing photo. To curtail the number of submissions I’ve been receiving I think I’ll just lay down some general guidelines for inappropriate pubic hair length. These are universal rules that will apply to nearly […]
Read More The Top 5 Signs You Need To Shave Your Pubic HairSometimes when you invite people over to see your baby they will scream “AHHHH!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!” What the hell kind of thing is that to say to someone? Just because someone’s eyeballs aren’t parallel, their forehead is a little lumpy, and they’re the first true chimpanzee/human hybrid doesn’t mean you have to murder […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Kill it with Fire!”Dear McFartnuggets: How come you see football players with III on their jerseys like Earl Thomas III and Robert Griffin III but you never see any players with IV or higher on their names? How is it possible that there have been a bunch of players whose fathers had the same names as their grandfathers, […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do Football Players Have III In Their Names?When you’re walking by a group of courtesan streetwalkers on a pleasant summer’s eve one of them will usually ejaculate “Hi, there!” Women love to say this for some reason and I don’t know why. What is the purpose of saying “Hi there!” Is anyone ever confused as to where the hi is being directed? […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Hi There!”One of the greatest threats facing humanity is that we will one day run out of fresh water. That is why it is imperative that everyone save as much water as possible. We will all have to make sacrifices and one of those sacrifices is peeing into the sink. No, hear me out on this. […]
Read More Peeing in the Sink: A Convenient New Way to Save Water?Dear McFartnuggets: I have a 2-year-old named Tyrus and whenever I was drinking my coffee in the morning he reached out with both hands and said “Give me! GIVE ME!” After five hundred “Give me’s” I finally gave in and let him have a sip. Well he loved it and a sip became two and […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Young is Too Young to Let My Son Drink Coffee?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 