Dumbass Sayings: “Wildfire”

Sometimes you hear on the news that firefighters are battling a new “wildfire” in the Sierra Nevada foothills near Plymouth, California. That’s such a ridiculous term, “wildfire.” All fires by their nature are wild. I’ve never personally met a fire I could consider “calm.” Some people might be able to tame and control a fire […]

Ask McFartnuggets: "Is The Grandfather Paradox Real?"

Dear McFartnuggets: A friend told me about the grandfather paradox where if a time traveler kills his grandfather before he meets his grandmother then he cannot exist because then his father or mother could not have been born and therefore he could not have been born. Well I tried this. I accidentally killed my grandfather, […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Fresh to Death”

Rappers and hip hop musicians always use the term “Fresh to death.” They say “I am fresh to death” like that’s a normal thing to say. Not only is it not a normal thing to say, but it’s very untrue. Anyone who’s ever lived with their grandmother knows people are never “fresh to death.” There’s […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “If Shoes Are Called Kicks Why Aren’t Gloves Called Punches?”

Dear McFartnuggets: I always hear children these days referring to their footwear as “kicks.” They say “Hey bitch look at my kicks!” Okay that’s fine, but if they’re going to call their shoes “kicks” then why don’t they call gloves “punches”? Wouldn’t that be the logical analogue? I don’t hear these same kids saying “It’s […]

Dumbass Company Names: “RadioShack”

It was recently reported that RadioShack has defaulted on a loan and their stock is no longer being traded. This doesn’t come as much of a surprise considering RadioShack has been slowly going out of business since the 1980’s. No one should be surprised that RadioShack is bankrupt and dying off. The fatal flaw of […]

The Top 5 Worst Animals To Have As Pets

When your wife leaves you there tends to be a very large feeling of emptiness in your life. One good way to fill that hole quickly is with a new pet. Maybe you’re the type of person who wants to be different and doesn’t want to have a dog, cat, or hamster like everyone else. […]

Dumbass Sayings: “I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up”

When an elderly person falls in their home when no one is around do they make a sound? Yes. They say “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” The real question is why do they say this? Why not just scream for help? First of all you’re alone so there’s no point to waste energy […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are Stores Always So Enthusiastic About Going Out of Business?”

Dear McFartnuggets: How come when a store is going out of business they always put up a huge sign and put out a commercial that says “We’re going out of business so come on in quick!” The guy’s voice is always so happy and cheerful like he’s stating good news. Shouldn’t these commercials be more […]

Racially Insensitive Toilet Paper Commercial From The 70’s

Here’s a controversial ad pulled from the air after backlash from the Italian American community. Why did they have to portray the character of a mobster as an Italian? Why couldn’t have have been a Scottish mobster or from New Zealand instead? People were so ignorant back then!

Ask McFartnuggets: “Can Playing a Musical Instrument Make You Smarter?”

Dear McFartnuggets: I keep hearing that playing a musical instrument can make you smarter, but does that apply to any musical instrument? Could I get just as smart from playing the tuba or kazoo as I could from playing a piano or violin? — Polly from New Haven, Connecticut Dear Polly: Researchers have found that […]

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