Ask McFartnuggets: “Who The Hell Shops at Rent-A-Center?”

Dear McFartnuggets: What is the story with Rent-A-Center? It’s a place where you can go rent a refrigerator or a washing machine. Who the hell would rent a washing machine? How do these places stay in business? — Bjorn from Temecula, California Dear Bjorn: Well Rent-A-Center is a “rent-to-buy” business where if people rent things […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Stabbing Pain”

Sometimes when your Uncle Pete describes his kidney stones to you he says “It’s a like a stabbing pain right here!” I happen to know my Uncle Pete has never actually been stabbed by anyone. People always describe pain as “Stabbing pain” like they even know what it’s like to be stabbed. Some people even […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Do The Cleveland Indians Have More Scalpers Outside Their Stadium Than Other Teams?”

Dear McFartnuggets: Does the Cleveland Indians baseball team have more ticket scalpers outside their stadium selling tickets than other sports teams? — Riley from Springfield, Illinois Dear Riley: Oh because they’re “Indians” they would have more “scalpers” right? That’s very funny… No I don’t think there is any truth to this. They probably have the […]

The Top 5 Tricks To Help You Win at Arm Wrestling

By now everyone knows there’s more to arm wrestling than just brute strength. There are special techniques that can help you defeat someone bigger and stronger in a battle of arms. Here are the top 5 tricks you can employ to help win at arm wrestling: (Keep in mind that using these tactics in professional […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Can’t I Remember Anything Before I Was 2 Years Old?”

Dear McFartnuggets: I was reminiscing about old times with my mother when she brought up the time she almost accidentally dropped me off a ledge when I was one and a half years old. For some reason I had no recollection of this at all. Then I started thinking more and realized I couldn’t remember […]

Dumbass Slogans: “The Best Part of Waking Up is Folgers in Your Cup”

Folgers has the classic slogan “The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup.” It’s a nice slogan and it’s very successful despite the fact that it’s complete horseshit. Of course the best part of waking up isn’t Folgers in your cup. How sad is your life when the best part of waking […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Still Considered Domestic Violence if My Wife Hits Me on Vacation?”

Dear McFartnuggets: I was wondering is it still considered “domestic violence” even if my wife is punching and slapping me on our vacation in Italy? I don’t want to try to call the cops and explain what’s going on only to have them say the violence doesn’t qualify because we’re around six thousand miles from […]

Dumbass Saying: “Icing on the Cake”

Sometimes you hear people say things like “The most important thing to me was saving those dogs from being killed in the tornado. Meeting Oprah was just the icing on the cake.” When people say “icing on the cake” they’re referring to something extra that’s nice, but not their primary motivation or interest. I have […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Should Talking To Someone While They’re Driving Be Illegal?”

Dear McFartnuggets: Studies have shown that driving while taking a phone call on a Bluetooth hands free device is just as dangerous as holding a phone in your hand because your brain is still being distracted by the conversation. Does that mean it should be illegal to talk to someone who’s driving regardless of whether […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Can I Get Pink Eye on My Brown Eye?”

Dear McFartnuggets: One of my co-workers contracted pink eye recently and now everyone in the office is freaking out about it. I know it’s highly contagious so I’m trying to be very careful. The only problem is I used the bathroom after she did and I forgot to wash my hands before I wiped my […]

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