One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: Are you a big football fan? Will you be watching the super owl this year? — Dani from Boston, Massachusetts Dear Dani: Super Owl? Is that a new Marvel hero or something? Yeah sure why not. I’ll watch the super owl. That sounds like it’ll be a HOOT. That seems like a very […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Will You Be Watching The Super Owl This Year?”When you go to your doctor complaining about penile discharge he’ll usually say “You have the clap.” What he means to say is you have Gonorrhea, but for some reason Gonorrhea’s nickname is “The clap.” This seems like a horrible nickname considering the last thing you feel like doing is clapping when you find out […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “The Clap”Dear McFartnuggets: I started dating this chick who’s only two foot four and I get a lot of strange looks in public. I’m six foot two. I don’t really mind because I really like this girl, however I can’t help to think that part of the reason they’re looking at me weird is because they […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “If I’m Dating a Short Girl Will People Assume I Have a Small Pecker?”Sometimes when you accidentally step on the back of an old man’s shoe while he’s walking ahead of you he’ll get mad and say “You wanna go, sonny? Ehh, never mind I don’t wish to engage in a fist fight with a scruffy rapscallion ragamuffin.” Well, I don’t blame you, because people rarely get into […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Fist Fight"When you’re walking the mean streets it can be easy to get into it with a random person. By “it” I mean a violent confrontation. When considering who to engage in a street fight with it’s very important to be selective. There are certain people you never want to fight even if you are an […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst People to Get into a Fight WithWhen you dye your hair green just to change things up a little there’s a good chance you’ll meet someone who asks “Hey, do the curtains match the drapes?” They’re basically trying to ascertain whether or not you’ve also dyed your pubic hair. The problem I have with this saying is that it’s not clear […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Do The Curtains Match The Drapes?"Dear McFartnuggets: People are always telling me to take vitamin C to keep from getting sick, but if it really worked why would anyone ever get sick? If it was that easy why wouldn’t everyone take vitamin C? If it worked whenever you got sick you could take a ton of vitamin C and immediately […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Does Vitamin C Really Help a Cold?"Before your sister-in-law vomits all over her steering wheel and crashes into a newspaper stand she usually screams “THE BEST TIME TO PARTY IS AFTER DARK! AFTER DARK IS WHEN THE REAL SHIT GOES DOWN!” What she’s supposedly referring to is the time around midnight give or take one or two hours. Some people claim […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "After Dark"Dear McFartnuggets: If the Virgin Mary had octuplets instead of just the one baby Jesus what do you think would have changed? What in life would be different? — Sully from New Hampshire Dear Sully: Well that’s a ridiculous question, but I’ll answer it anyway. I think if there were eight equal Jesuses then people would […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: What if the Virgin Mary Had Octuplets?When your mother catches you freebasing cocaine and you explain yourself by saying “Everyone’s doing it!” sometimes she replies “If everyone jumped off a cliff/bridge would you do it too?!” At the time, this seemed like a pretty good question that had no answer, but a year can make you a lot wiser and I […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "If Everyone Jumped Off a Cliff Would You Jump Too?"
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 