One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Sometimes when you’re at a friend’s bar mitzvah and his great aunt is twerking to an Usher song she will drunkenly scream “I still got it!” Then inevitably someone will yell back “You never lost it!” Then everybody laughs. This seems like a good thing to say, but it’s actually stupid when you think about […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "You Never Lost It!"Jennifer Lopez has a song called “Love Don’t Cost A Thing” in which she says: “Think I’m gonna spend your cash, I won’t. Even if you were broke. My love don’t cost a thing.” First of all, if I was broke how the hell would you spend my cash? You’re damn right you won’t spend […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: "Even If You Were Broke, My Love Don’t Cost A Thing"Dear McFartnuggets: Have you ever been in a quiet room with someone else while they’re eating? Why does it sound so weird? Eating food is such a natural and universal activity so why would the sound of it be so disturbing? I seriously can’t even concentrate when someone in a quiet room is eating. It’s […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do People People Sound So Disgusting When They Eat?"Dear McFartnuggets: So my uncle is a recovering alcoholic and his favorite drink was vodka. While he was over for dinner one night I rubbed some purell on my hands to clean them up. He claimed the smell reminded him of his love for alcohol and he left and went on a drunken rampage through […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Can Purell Trigger an Alcoholic?"There’s a famous line from the movie “Rocky” where Rocky’s trainer says Rocky is going to eat lightning and crap thunder. You can’t crap thunder. Thunder is a sound You can FART thunder, but those must have been some really bad eggs. Do you have any idea how fast feces would have to be propelled […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Eat Lightning and Crap Thunder"Dear McFartnuggets: I have a Kinect for my Xbox One and I just realized it could always be watching me and it’s also hooked up to the internet because I have Xbox Live. Is there any chance the Kinect could be seeing me when I play my games in the nude? I’m a little paranoid […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: "Does My Xbox Kinect Know I’m Playing Video Games Naked?"When your alcoholic brother-in-law delivers a eulogy at your aunt’s wedding despite never knowing her he says “Don’t worry, gaylord. I’m gonna WING IT!” Why is this term still in use? I don’t see how you can compare human improvisation to winged flight. A bird isn’t just going with the flow and riffing when it’s […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "Winging It"Dear McFartnuggets: My friend Glen is paralyzed from the waist down and he runs an underground MMA fighting league specifically for people in wheelchairs. I went to one of these fights and it was very disturbing. It was just strange to see people in wheelchairs hurting each other. I wanted to put a stop to it, […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: Is Wheelchair MMA Ethical?Everyone knows the classic Christmas song “Santa Baby” from 1953. In it, a grown ass woman requests gifts from Santa. Everyone knows Santa only gives presents to children on Christmas. It’s pretty much accepted that adults are the only ones who give adults gifts on that holiday so this bitch be trippin’, as they say […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: "Santa Baby"It’s the start of a new year which means no one will shut the hell up about their new year’s resolutions. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, new year’s resolutions are basically unrealistic goals you set for yourself for the upcoming year to keep your life from spiraling even farther downhill. It wouldn’t be so […]
Read More The Top 5 Hardest New Year’s Resolutions to Keep
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 