One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Sometimes when you see someone vomiting on the sidewalk at 3 am on New Year’s Day and they cry “I hate being sick!” Of course you hate being sick. Everyone hates being sick! What an obvious thing to say. Even masochistic people who enjoy their balls having torture devices on them probably dislike having the […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: "I Hate Being Sick"When you have the common cold there are certain foods everyone typically eats like saltines and chicken soup. However, there are other foods that people don’t typically don’t eat and it’s for a good reason. Here are the top 5 worst foods to eat when you have a cold: 5. Peanut butter When you have […]
Read More The Top 5 Worst Foods to Eat When You Have a ColdWhen people eat a lot and their belly becomes distended sometimes they call that a “food baby.” This is a really weird term for a few reasons. First off, the full human digestion process only takes around 24 hours. That’s a very short labor term. That’s a an 8 hour trimester. If a real baby […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Food Baby”Dear McFartnuggets: I love guacamole. The only problem is it goes bad too fast. I can literally watch it turn brown and rotten in minutes if I just leave it out on the kitchen counter. Why does guacamole do this? What is guacamole’s problem? Is it tanning or something? It’s like a reverse Michael Jackson, […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Does Guacamole Turn Brown So Fast?”Here’s an ad from the golden age of TV for soap. And yes, that was a doll at the end. What happened to the baby we saw earlier in the commercial? I’m guessing the 0 56/100th% had something to do with it.
Read More Classic Psychotic Woman Ivory Soap CommercialSometimes when your wife asks for a divorce and you cooperate with her because you don’t take any of it seriously she says “Thanks for being a good sport about this.” A good sport? What are you calling me football or something? Who the hell comes up with this stuff? I’m not an athletic recreational […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Good Sport/Bad Sport”Dear McFartnuggets: Why did the Sony Hackers leak the remake of “Annie”? They were trying to hurt Sony by leaking their movies, but how many people would actually pirate that movie? The type of people who pirate movies aren’t likely going to want to see the little orphan Annie. I doubt that’s going to hurt […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Did Hackers Leak The Annie Remake?”If you ever go on a subway there are always signs that say “If you see something say something.” This is of course in reference to seeing a suspicious bag or box or other device that could be a bomb. This is just a flat out ridiculous phrase. First of all it sounds like something […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “If You See Something Say Something”A lot of people believe the old saying “All dogs go to Heaven.” This is the idea that when dogs die their soul transports to a happy afterlife where they run around and play for all eternity. Now even if we were to assume that dogs have souls (which many people dispute and science has […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “All Dogs Go To Heaven”Dear McFartnuggets: In the movie “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” why do the weasels die when they laugh too hard? No one else fears dying of laughter except for them. Why are they the only ones who die when they laugh? — Elyse from Portland, Oregon Dear Elyse: Well when Eddie Valiant is making the weasels laugh, […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “In Roger Rabbit Why Do The Weasels Die When They Laugh?’
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 