One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Sometimes a woman will say “You need to stop being a bitch and start wearing the pants in the relationship!” I never understood this saying. Wearing the pants in the relationship? Why does a relationship require a mandatory pair of trousers that either of the people have to be wearing at a given time? That […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Wear The Pants in The Relationship”Now that’s what I callbirth control! Dear McFartnuggets: Hey I was wondering, do I really need to wear a condom during sex if I’m super drunk? I mean if my balls are completely full of alcohol won’t that kill the sperms? Wouldn’t it at least make them all stupid and spinning around in circles? And especially […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Do I Need to Use a Condom if I’m Super Drunk?”Dear McFartnuggets: How come you always hear people call people the cornerbacks and safeties of a football team the “secondary”? Does that mean that the defensive linemen and linebackers are the “primary”? Why don’t people ever call it that? Are they afraid of labeling the linemen and linebackers as more important than the secondary? That’s already […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Football Teams Have a Secondary But No Primary?”There are lots of thingsyou can release an egg onto. We’ve all been in a situation where we needed an emergency tampon or maxi pad and there’s been no real ones available. That’s when a girl has to improvise and pull an old MacGyver on her vagina. Here are the top 5 weirdest alternatives to […]
Read More The Top 5 Weirdest Alternatives To Tampons and Maxi PadsIn the Christmas classic “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” there’s a bit that goes “You better not cry, you better not pout.” The song is basically a warning children to regulate themselves because Santa is on his way and if they’re acting up they won’t get shit. The singer admonishes the children to “Watch […]
Read More Dumbass Song Lyrics: “You Better Not Cry, You Better Not Pout”There are always people in your life who you are friendly with despite the fact you secretly hate them and everything they stand for. Now that the holidays are upon is, it can be very difficult to buy a gift for these people. You want to keep them thinking you like them, but you also […]
Read More The Top 5 Holiday Gifts to Give Someone You Secretly HateSometimes you’ll get a call from the local sheriff’s office and they tell you they have your grandpa in custody and he’s “Drunk as a skunk again.” Drunk as a skunk? Who makes this stuff up? Skunks don’t imbibe alcoholic beverages. It’s like someone just decided to find a word that rhymed with drunk and […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Drunk as a Skunk”Sometimes when you hand a customer their order at the drive-thru they take the bag with one hand and grab your arm with the other, stare into your eyes and say “If you got any part of my order wrong again I will kill your entire bloodline.” Look, I understand it’s annoying to get home […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: I Will Kill Your Entire Bloodline”Trying to find ridiculoushidden imagery is still okay. Dollar bills are what provide the major motivation for most people in the world. No matter what anyone is doing at any given time it’s usually related to money. Because of that, money is seen as sacred and there are certain things you should never do with […]
Read More The Top 5 Things You Should Never Do With Dollar BillsThere’s an anti-drunk driving commercial that shows police camouflaged into walls watching a drunk couple walking to a car. Then as the man starts driving drunk a camouflaged cop car turns on its sirens and pulls him over. The commercial says “They’ll see you before you see them.” The problem with this is, if that […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “They’ll See You Before You See Them”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 