One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
Dear McFartnuggets: I have a tiny Pomeranian named Muffin who is the most important thing in the world to me. The problem is almost every day I take her out for a walk, someone on the sidewalk almost accidentally steps on her. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my baby! I almost […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Keep People From Stepping on My Dog?”Sometimes when you’re hanging out after another one of your underground street fight victories you’ll hear some of the spectators discussing a young new upstart fighter. They say “Hey he could probably give you a run for your money.” Run for my money? What does that even mean? It sounds like someone is going to […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “A Run for Your Money”Dear McFartnuggets: At the end of “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York” Kevin runs out into Central Park to give that homeless pigeon lady a turtle dove christmas tree ornament as a Christmas gift. It was a nice heartwarming moment, but then his room service bill is discovered and he has to run away […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Didn’t Kevin Invite The Homeless Pigeon Lady Into The Plaza Hotel?”Sometimes when you witness a physical assault in da hood either the perpetrator or an associate of the perpetrator will approach you and say “Snitches get stitches.” Really? Snitches get stitches? Good, I hope I do get stitches! How is that a threat? Surgical sutchers are very crucial to the healing of a severe wound. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Snitches Get Stitches”Dear McFartnuggets: My aunt got me the Dragon Naturally Speaking software that I can use to turn my words into text. Basically I just speak into the headset and the Dragon writes it out into my word processor. The problem is I’m writing a memoir about my first period and every time I try to […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “When I Use Dragon Naturally Speaking I Can’t Write The Word Period!”This old man’s dick don’t work, but he tries to get some pussy at the grocery store with his wife. Then he gets some free toilet paper to use to wipe his butthole.
Read More Ridiculous Musical Toilet Paper Commercial From The 70’sSometimes right before your father abandons your family he looks you in the eyes and says “You’re the man of the house now…” Seriously? What kind of bullshit is that? Man of the house? I’m 5-years-old and now I’m the “MAN of the house”? Being the “man of the house” is supposed to mean that […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Man of the House”Don’t judge Santa by whathe doesn’t do. Dear McFartnuggets: Santa Claus has magic powers so why does he only use them to deliver presents? Why can’t he also fight crime? Why can’t Santa Claus be a superhero? He has super speed to visit every Christian household in the world in just one night. He can shapeshift […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Doesn’t Santa Claus Fight Crime?”Sometimes when you’re expecting your first child and you start buying baby clothes and thinking of what to name the child people will say “Hey, don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched!” What kind of thing is that to say to expecting parents? Your wife is pregnant and you’re excited about being a parent and […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Don’t Count Your Chickens Before They’ve Hatched”Dear McFartnuggets: Do these people who protest the Michael Brown shooting and Eric Garner choking really think protesting will accomplish anything? Hundreds of people chanting in the street won’t get a court to reverse a decision. Chanting and blocking streets won’t get the police to think differently about how they treat African American men. As […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “What Does Protesting Accomplish?”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 