One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
A lot of the time when a person tickles a baby they say “Coochie coochie coo.” Does that make sense? I don’t think anyone knows why the hell people say this. The reason I don’t agree with this saying is because “Coochie” is slang for “vagina.” That should make it fairly inappropriate to say around […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Coochie Coochie Coo”There are quite a few things you don’t want on a pizza. Everyone knows pizza is basically just bread with tomato sauce and cheese so people think that gives them free reign to put whatever they want on top to help spice things up. From meatloaf to scorpions, everyone has their own personal favorite weird pizza […]
Read More The Top 10 Worst Pizza Toppings of All-TimeDear McFartnuggets: How come opening an umbrella indoors is considered bad luck? I heard it has something to do with Chinese people believing in evil spirits. Why exactly is it bad luck? Who decided this? — Brenda from Allentown, Pennsylvania Dear Brenda: There’s really nothing that’s bad luck, it’s just superstition that people made up […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Why is Opening an Umbrella Indoors Bad Luck?”When your child is crying in public and a stranger walks up and smacks them in the face sometimes they’ll say “It takes a village… “ before walking away. First of all, you can’t just do that. You have to finish your damn sentence. You can’t just say “It takes a village…” and leave. Say […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child”Dear McFartnuggets: I keep hearing this fact that the average kitchen cutting board has up to 200 times more fecal bacteria than an average toilet seat. I don’t really understand how this is possible, but if it is, does that mean I should be preparing my meals using my toilet seat as a cutting board […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Is My Cutting Board Really Dirtier Than My Toilet Seat?”In the movie “Rocky Balboa” Sylvester Stallone gives a motivational speech where he says “Nothing is gonna hit harder than life.” I’m not so sure that’s true. What hits harder than life? How about DEATH. I’m pretty sure death hits a little harder than life. When you get hit by life it’s usually just a […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Nothing is Gonna Hit Harder Than Life”This commercial was controversial for a few reasons, but primarily the ending. If anyone’s ever had Grape Nuts you know they’re basically like small ball bearings and when that really old guy got them caught in his throat the shock to his heart was actually what ended up killing him.
Read More Embarrassing Old Banned Cereal Commercial From The 70’sSometimes at Thanksgiving dinner your wife gets drunk in front of everyone and says “Let me make this short and sweet, I want a divorce.” How exactly is that “sweet”? Whenever people say “Let me make this short and sweet” they rarely if ever say anything sweet to you. It’s always abrupt and usually offensive. […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Short and Sweet”Look at this kid, danglinga spider in blackface. Dear McFartnuggets: As a person who works with spiders at an arachnid observatory I am a huge proponent of arachnid rights. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen displaying arachnophobia in public. It’s mindboggling to me how in the 21st century people still have these ignorant […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets:”Why Are So Many People Arachnophobic?”When you start a job as a salesman they refer to your first sale as “popping your cherry.” What the hell kind of thing is that to say? How exactly is making your first sale like breaking your hymen? I know it’s a special moment, but It doesn’t hurt, there’s no blood, and when it’s […]
Read More Dumbass Saying: “Popping Your Cherry”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 