Dumbass Sayings: “Female Breasts”

Some law firms have commercials on TV telling men that if they’ve used a drug named Risperdol and developed “female breasts” they are entitled to a settlement. What the hell do they mean “female breasts”? If your have things that look like women’s mammaries on your chest and you’re a man then they’re breasts, not […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Can People in Motorized Wheelchairs Get Pulled Over For Drunk Driving?

Most motorized wheelchairsare heavier than Smart cars. Dear McFartnuggets: I was walking down the sidewalk the other day minding my own business when some guy in a motorized wheelchair going damn near twenty miles an hour nearly ran me over from behind. I could tell he was drunk because he was swerving all over and […]

Dumbass Sayings: “Seeing is Believing”

There’s a famous saying that goes “seeing is believing.” This is supposed to mean that if you see something you have no choice but to believe it. The idea is that you should always believe your eyes. Apparently whoever came up with this saying wasn’t aware of the concept of hallucinations. Clearly if you’re having […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Is The 5-Second Rule Still in Effect if I Dropped Food in Dog Shit?”

One gram of dog feces contains over 20,000,000 E. coli cells Dear McFartnuggets: Everyone knows that when you drop food on the ground and pick it up within five seconds it’s safe to eat, but what if I dropped the food outside in a pile of dog poop? A regular floor or ground might have […]

The Top 5 Signs It’s Too Damn Cold Outside

Sometimes just seeing cold isn’t enough proof. If you’ve ever seen those commercials for Coors Light with the mountains that turn blue to let people know when their beer is cold then you know sometimes people have a difficult time processing cold weather stimuli. This is actually a serious condition. If you can’t feel cold then […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t They Call it Up Syndrome?”

Maybe it’s “Down” Syndromebecause they’re so fluffy andsoft! Dear McFartnuggets: Hey how come people call it Down Syndrome? Shouldn’t we call it Up Syndrome? Why the hell are people trying to put these mentally handicapped people down and make them feel lower than other people? It’s a bad connotation to be sticking them with. Shouldn’t […]

Dumbass Sayings: “You’re a Doll”

Sometimes when you help an elderly woman get a box off a high shelf at the grocery store, assist her in crossing the street, or help her achieve orgasm she says “You’re such a doll!” Oh I’m a doll? Sorry if I don’t take that as a compliment. You know why I don’t? Dolls have […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “Is Magic Real?”

Do magicians dress up likeRussell Brand or is it the otherway around? Dear McFartnuggets: I’ve been giving this some thought for the past few years. If magic was real why would magicians waste their time doing tricks to entertain people? If you really knew how to harness the power of magic why would you use […]

The Top 5 Worst Times To Think of a Funny Joke

Laughing can lead to veryuncomfortable situations. Sometimes you’re just standing around minding your own business when all of a sudden a funny joke or thought pops into your head and you start laughing hysterically. To people who see you do this you appear insane and that’s fine. However, sometimes you do this at an inopportune […]

Ask McFartnuggets: “What Are Some Creative Things I Can Do With Thanksgiving Leftovers?”

As long as you didn’t makeTofurky I think hobos will gladly accept your leftovers. Dear McFartnuggets: Thanksgiving was great but I have sooooooooooooooooooooooo OooOooOOOoooooOoOoOoOoOoo OooooOOoOoOoooooOOOooOOO ooooooooOoOoooooooooooo aaaahhohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh much food leftover. I have tons of turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie leftover. What are some fun things I can do with them? Do you know of any cool […]

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