One day every thing that can ever be written or thought (no matter how fucking stupid or ridiculous) will be written or thought. Only then will humanity be complete and we can all die in peace. This is my contribution.
For some reason there are still people who refer to 9/11 as “9-1-1.” This may have been somewhat acceptable shortly after the events of 9/11/2001, but as more time passes it’s harder to associate 9/11 with 9-1-1 since 9-1-1 is the American emergency services number. 9-1-1 is dialed thousands of times every day meanwhile 9/11 […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Nine One One”Time to rent a Rug Doctor! Dear McFartnuggets: This is an urgent question. How can I get blood stains out of my carpet FAST?!!! I’m trying soap with hot water and scrubbing and nothing’s working! Also, what’s the fastest best way to get rid of a human skeleton? — Lamar from Chicago Dear Lamar: Okay […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Can I Get Blood Stains Out of My Carpet Fast?”Sometimes you’ll hear someone who’s about to go into a job interview say “Feet don’t fail me now!” First off, people need to realize this is a racial saying. The saying dates back to vaudevillian minstrel shows where an African American performer would be scared by something and say “Feets don’t fail me now!” before […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Feet Don’t Fail Me Now!”Sometimes when you leave work or a social gathering someone will say “Get home safe!” This is one of the weirdest farewells you can bid someone. “Get home safe?” What am I a baserunner on a Major League Baseball squadron? If I was then that would make sense to say, otherwise it just sounds like […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Get Home Safe!”No, not THAT kind ofrescue dog! Dear McFartnuggets: I always see people who have adopted rescue dogs and they think they’re such big heroes, but I want to know where I can adopt a rescue HUMAN. Personally I believe that humans are a little more important than dogs and since there are humans out there […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “Where Can I Adopt a Rescue HUMAN?”Just the other day I was walking into a building and some guy held the door open for me and said “Ladies first!” I had a problem with this. The problem wasn’t that he guessed my gender wrong, in case you were wondering. Why the hell would I be offended if someone thought I was […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Ladies First”A lot of times you’ll hear someone say something like “I busted my ass to get that report done on time!” Really? You busted your ass? Do people even pay attention to language anymore? “Bust” means “Burst.” Let me get this straight, you worked so hard your rectum burst open? Look, I understand it’s an […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Bust My Ass”In this situation I thinkyou would shake the interviewer’s nipples. Dear McFartnuggets: The last week I went to a job interview and as I entered the room I went to shake the interviewers hand. As I was going in to shake his hand I realized he had no hand. I panicked, I may have gasped a […]
Read More Ask McFartnuggets: “How Do You Shake Hands With Someone Who Has No Hand?”This commercial caused a big stir when it was first released. For some reason it chose to glorify the idea of drugging your friend to turn them gay. Of course back then gay meant happy. Some people believe this commercial was the turning point when the word “gay” started taking on more than just one […]
Read More Controversial Campy Bread Commercial From The Old DaysPeople are always saying “Monkeys are our closest relatives.” If that’s the case why don’t we ever invite them over for Thanksgiving? First off, it’s chimpanzees and bonobos that are 96 to 99% genetically similar to humans, not monkeys. That really doesn’t matter anyway. People get hear those numbers and they freak out, but science […]
Read More Dumbass Sayings: “Monkeys Are Our Closest Relatives”
McFartnuggets' Dune of Derangement 